South Carolina Elects Admitted Adulterer In Effort to Defend Family Values from Liberals

CHARLESTON, S.C. – Voters in South Carolina’s 1st Congressional District this week took a stand for family values by electing former Republican Governor and admitted adulterer Mark Sanford to the U.S. House of Representatives. Sanford, who famously disappeared for six days in June of 2009 while Governor on what he eventually admitted was a romantic Argentinean tryst with his mistress, received 54…

Coffee Cooler Mistaken For Gatorade Cooler

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — New York Jets players accidently grabbed a coffee samovar instead of the Gatorade cooler last Monday night, dumping 30 gallons of scalding-hot java on coach Rex Ryan, who is currently undergoing rehabilitation at Cedars-Sinai Hospital. Elated after an overtime field-goal propelled the Jets to a 12-11 victory over the Tennessee Titans, quarterback Mark Sanchez and the offensive line…