Mayor Bloomberg on Suicide Watch After Election
One source did confirm that both Bloomberg and Ray Kelly voted for the current mayor as a write-in candidate, but they were not optimistic about his chances.
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Mayor Bloomberg
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Mayor Bloomberg Urges Public Housing Residents to Self-Deport to Newark
“Still,” noted Bloomberg, “for the obvious reasons, I would ask that Booker be patted down before he entered my house.”
Mayor Bloomberg Shocked That Stop-and-Frisk Policy Bothered a White Woman
Bloomberg is reportedly considering pushing for a new, more specific Stop-and-Frisk-Minorities-Only policy to ensure that this never happens again.
Mayor Bloomberg Forces Cigarette Vendors, Customers to Play ‘Hide & Seek’
NEW YORK — Fresh on the heels of proposing that cigarettes carry a high minimum per-pack price and also not be visibly displayed in stores, Mayor Bloomberg today upped the…
MTA Announces New Employee Panhandling Program
NEW YORK — To avoid another annoying fair hike, the severely indebted Metropolitan Transit Authority announced that beginning March 1st all employees will be expected to start panhandling. Surprised that…
Officer Issues Important Public Drinking Ticket During Nearby Stabbing
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — NYPD Officer Joseph Lombardi was commended by Mayor Bloomberg on Tuesday for his efforts in the ticketing of a group of Brighton Beach locals. The individuals, six…