Mayor Bloomberg on Suicide Watch After Election
One source did confirm that both Bloomberg and Ray Kelly voted for the current mayor as a write-in candidate, but they were not optimistic about his chances.
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Mayor Bloomberg
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Mayor Bloomberg Urges Public Housing Residents to Self-Deport to Newark
“Still,” noted Bloomberg, “for the obvious reasons, I would ask that Booker be patted down before he entered my house.”
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Mayor Bloomberg Shocked That Stop-and-Frisk Policy Bothered a White Woman
Bloomberg is reportedly considering pushing for a new, more specific Stop-and-Frisk-Minorities-Only policy to ensure that this never happens again.
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Mayor Bloomberg Forces Cigarette Vendors, Customers to Play ‘Hide & Seek’
NEW YORK — Fresh on the heels of proposing that cigarettes carry a high minimum per-pack price and also not be visibly displayed in stores, Mayor Bloomberg today upped the…
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MTA Announces New Employee Panhandling Program
NEW YORK — To avoid another annoying fair hike, the severely indebted Metropolitan Transit Authority announced that beginning March 1st all employees will be expected to start panhandling. Surprised that…
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Officer Issues Important Public Drinking Ticket During Nearby Stabbing
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — NYPD Officer Joseph Lombardi was commended by Mayor Bloomberg on Tuesday for his efforts in the ticketing of a group of Brighton Beach locals. The individuals, six…
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