One source did confirm that both Bloomberg and Ray Kelly voted for the current mayor as a write-in candidate, but they were not optimistic about his chances.
“Still,” noted Bloomberg, “for the obvious reasons, I would ask that Booker be patted down before he entered my house.”
Bloomberg is reportedly considering pushing for a new, more specific Stop-and-Frisk-Minorities-Only policy to ensure that this never happens again.
NEW YORK — Fresh on the heels of proposing that cigarettes carry a high minimum per-pack price and also not be visibly displayed in stores, Mayor Bloomberg today upped the ante and ordered vendors to “hide” the cigarettes somewhere in the store and give customers two minutes to find them. “If smokers can’t sniff out where the cigarettes are hidden in two…
NEW YORK — To avoid another annoying fair hike, the severely indebted Metropolitan Transit Authority announced that beginning March 1st all employees will be expected to start panhandling. Surprised that after the third fair raise since 2008 commuter traffic has decreased, the MTA explained that panhandling was the only logical alternative. “I’m honestly surprised we didn’t do this a lot sooner,” MTA…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — NYPD Officer Joseph Lombardi was commended by Mayor Bloomberg on Tuesday for his efforts in the ticketing of a group of Brighton Beach locals. The individuals, six men and women all in their twenties, each received a summons for Public Consumption of Alcohol about a hundred yards away from a fatal stabbing that occurred at exactly the same time.…