Romney: “Before Iran Recognizes ‘Israel’s Right To Exist,’ We Need Obama To Do So”
“To do otherwise is to disrespect the United States”
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Mitt Romney
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Mitt Romney Thanking Elohim He Isn’t President Right Now
“There could have been days when I would’ve been too busy to put on my temple garment and settled for regular briefs,” Romney said with a shudder. “The White House just isn’t worth that.”
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Mitt Romney Considering 2016 Bid as Democrat
For his part, Romney is keeping his plans close to the vest. “A lot can happen between now and 2016,” he mused. “But I do look good in blue, don’t I?”
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Developing Nations Send Back “Romney Wins!” T-Shirts
NAIROBI, Kenya — Shortly after Republican Mitt Romney’s defeat in the 2012 election became official, the campaign followed standard procedure and sent hundreds of thousands of t-shirts and hats declaring…
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Romney 2016 Campaign Already Seeking Unpaid Interns
Join the Romney 2016 movement and become a leader in the fight for America’s future! With only 207 weeks left in the race, now is the time to get involved!…
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Romney Continues to Campaign for President
WASHINGTON — Even though the election is over and President Obama was re-elected on November 6, sources close to the former Massachusetts governor say Mitt Romney has continued to campaign…
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Losing Presidential Candidate Agrees to Donate Victory Speech to Leader of Third World Country
WASHINGTON — In a closed door meeting with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, President Obama and Mitt Romney both agreed to donate their prepared victory speeches to the leader of a…
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Romney: “I love women, I only have to pay them 72 cents on the dollar”
WASHINGTON — Following heated controversy on Republican candidate Mitt Romney’s religious and personal views about women, critics were stunned when he admitted at an Ohio rally, “I love women, I…
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Small Business Owners Cited in Stump Speeches Reveal Candidates’ Lies: “They never said those things to me”
JOLIET, Ill. — Deborah Carpenter, founder and owner of a chain of local convenience stores, has called out presidential candidate Mitt Romney for misrepresenting their brief conversation at a recent…
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Romney Campaign Goes on Fact-Free Diet Until Election Day
CLEVELAND — According to sources close to the Republican nominee, the Romney campaign is going on a fact-free diet until Election Day. “We’d been trying a low-fact approach lately, but…
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VIDEO: Mitt Romney’s Vagina Monologue-Reactions
Newslo correspondent AnnaMaria Chen visits Union Square to get the public’s reaction to the Newslo’s top headlines.
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Both Candidates Still Vying for Game-Changing Endorsements
With the 2012 presidential election merely two weeks away, both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama have received a rapid influx of potentially game-changing endorsements, including: Todd Akin for Mitt Romney…
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Weekly Fast-Forward: The News Before It Happens
Politics Romney Will Ask Stage Manager for Line During Next Debate BOCA RATON, Florida — In yet another bout of Romnesia, presidential candidate Mitt Romney will bring Monday night’s debate…
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Romney Gives Yankees 5 Point Plan to Win ALCS
BRONX, N.Y. – In a great display of magnanimity and generosity, Mitt Romney gave a speech directly to Yankees manager Joe Girardi this morning. Governor Romney prefaced the speech by…
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Romney Camp Looking to Trade Lindsay Lohan For Neil Patrick Harris & Eva Longoria
WASHINGTON— In an attempt to diversify its voting base, the Romney camp contacted the White House yesterday and offered to trade celebrity endorsers Lindsay Lohan and Scott Baio for Eva…
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Voters: Mitt Romney a Candidate You Just Want to Have a Yoo-Hoo With
WASHINGTON– According to a Pew Research poll released this morning, a majority of likely voters say Mitt Romney is the kind of likeable guy you just want to sit down…
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GOP Reminds Romney of Blood Covenant with Religious Right
LUBBOCK, Texas – In a strange turn of events, Republican candidate Mitt Romney implied last week that, contrary to his official platform, he would not seek to outlaw abortion if…
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Conspiracy Theorists Fear Romney Victory Will Put Them Out of Business
WASHINGTON – A Newslo voter poll of conspiracy theorists shows an abrupt change in perception since the first presidential debate last week. Fervent believers in baseless theories about President Obama…
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Undecided Voter Goes With Obama after Scarlett Johansson Endorsement
DES MOINES, Iowa – Iowa factory worker Jonathan Flagler, 30, has decided to cast his vote for Barack Obama after actress Scarlett Johansson vocally endorsed the incumbent president. Flagler had…
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Romney Energizes Base with Commitment to Third Amendment Rights
ORLANDO, Fla. — In a speech today to the Tea Party’s Constitutional Originalist Society, presidential candidate Mitt Romney affirmed his commitment to defend Third Amendment rights if elected. The $500-a-plate…
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Pennsylvania Passes Law Requiring Voters To Complete Scavenger Hunt Before Voting
HARRISBURG, Penn. — In an ongoing push for stricter voter identification laws, Pennsylvania has issued a list of obscure and generally inaccessible items that Pennsylvania voters must ascertain before entering…
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Obama, Romney Juicing the Stats on Unemployment
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The fragile state of the American economy continues to be a focal point in this year’s electoral landscape. With a series of less than stellar job-growth reports…
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Rogaine Backs Romney-Ryan Ticket
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — A spokesman for Johnson & Johnson has issued a statement claiming that Rogaine, one of its subsidiaries, has officially backed Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan. Rumors…
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Delaware Legalizes Marriage Between Corporate Persons
DOVER, Del.—Corporate persons in Delaware are rejoicing today after Governor Jack Markell signed a bill officially recognizing marriage between corporations. “For too long corporations have been treated like second class…
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