Developing Nations Send Back “Romney Wins!” T-Shirts

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NAIROBI, Kenya — Shortly after Republican Mitt Romney’s defeat in the 2012 election became official, the campaign followed standard procedure and sent hundreds of thousands of t-shirts and hats declaring Romney’s victory to families in need throughout the developing world. It was quite a surprise to former campaign workers when, on November 27th, the massive shipments of apparel were found outside the…

Romney Continues to Campaign for President

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WASHINGTON — Even though the election is over and President Obama was re-elected on November 6, sources close to the former Massachusetts governor say Mitt Romney has continued to campaign across the country. “Mitt has been running for this job for 6 years, basically,” the source said. “When the results came in on Election Night announcing that he’d lost, Mitt fell into…

Losing Presidential Candidate Agrees to Donate Victory Speech to Leader of Third World Country

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WASHINGTON — In a closed door meeting with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, President Obama and Mitt Romney both agreed to donate their prepared victory speeches to the leader of a third world country if they lose. Goodell convinced both camps to agree to the gesture after explaining it had been commonplace in the sports world for decades and both sides needed to…