Romney Alludes to Book Of Mormon, Nearly Gets Broadway Vote

NEW YORK – Gay actors and theatre lovers alike rejoiced this morning when Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney was quoted as saying that his biggest inspiration in life was “absolutely, without question, the Book of Mormon.” As the blogosphere and social media sites began to report the news, the gay community on Broadway reacted positively to Romney’s declaration of love for what…

Leaked Obama Video: “I didn’t know America took ‘Yes We Can!’ so literally”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretly-recorded video footage of President Obama was leaked on Friday morning, revealing the shocking truth behind the infamous “Yes We Can” and “Hope” mantras of his historic 2008 campaign. The footage, taken backstage at this year’s Democratic National Convention, depicts the president preparing for his speech while aides adjust his tie and his top campaign advisor, David Axelrod, converses…

Republicans Claim Conception Begins at First Mojito

mojito-conception

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican members of Congress have issued a new referendum on abortion and birth control, asserting that the conception of a child begins at first Mojito. “When you’re looking into her eyes, and you take a sip of that drink right after the bartender gives it to you – that’s when a child is born,” said Virginia representative Eric Cantor…

Mitt Romney Does “The Vagina Monologues” in Desperate Attempt to Court Female Vote

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CLEVELAND — In an effort to appeal to women voters, many of whom have identified Mitt Romney as “chauvinistic,” “cold,” and “sterility inducing,” the GOP presidential hopeful plans to perform pieces from “The Vagina Monologues” at upcoming campaign stops. With this highly unanticipated move, Romney expressed hopes for voters to “get a chance to see me from a different angle. A lady…

Politicians Vow to Start Caring for Troops After Next War

WASHINGTON — At a press conference in the Rose Garden today, President Obama announced that the administration fully intends to take care of American troops after the nation’s incipient war with Iran. “Now listen, the American people have always looked out for their servicemen and women when they return home from battle,” said Obama, breaking into a chuckle. “I almost got through…