DENVER, CO — With this year’s first presidential debate on the horizon, both campaigns have sequestered their candidates and are keeping preparations under lock and key. Republican challenger Mitt Romney is rumored to be spending the entire week standing in front of different backdrops to perfect his unparalleled ability to adapt to the room. In the past, Romney has only changed his…
NEW YORK – Gay actors and theatre lovers alike rejoiced this morning when Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney was quoted as saying that his biggest inspiration in life was “absolutely, without question, the Book of Mormon.” As the blogosphere and social media sites began to report the news, the gay community on Broadway reacted positively to Romney’s declaration of love for what…
BELMONT, Mass. — Rafalca, a warm-blooded mare and dressage horse co-owned by Mitt Romney’s wife Anne, has found herself in the middle of a bidding war between three major glue companies. The Presidential candidate denies that the decision to auction off the mare, which cost Mrs. Romney and co-owner Jan Ebeling roughly $100,000, arose from a need to distance himself from a…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretly-recorded video footage of President Obama was leaked on Friday morning, revealing the shocking truth behind the infamous “Yes We Can” and “Hope” mantras of his historic 2008 campaign. The footage, taken backstage at this year’s Democratic National Convention, depicts the president preparing for his speech while aides adjust his tie and his top campaign advisor, David Axelrod, converses…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican members of Congress have issued a new referendum on abortion and birth control, asserting that the conception of a child begins at first Mojito. “When you’re looking into her eyes, and you take a sip of that drink right after the bartender gives it to you – that’s when a child is born,” said Virginia representative Eric Cantor…
CLEVELAND — In an effort to appeal to women voters, many of whom have identified Mitt Romney as “chauvinistic,” “cold,” and “sterility inducing,” the GOP presidential hopeful plans to perform pieces from “The Vagina Monologues” at upcoming campaign stops. With this highly unanticipated move, Romney expressed hopes for voters to “get a chance to see me from a different angle. A lady…
WASHINGTON — At a press conference in the Rose Garden today, President Obama announced that the administration fully intends to take care of American troops after the nation’s incipient war with Iran. “Now listen, the American people have always looked out for their servicemen and women when they return home from battle,” said Obama, breaking into a chuckle. “I almost got through…
