Confused Vegans Protest German Ban on Bestiality

BERLIN — A crowd of activists numbering less than ten assembled in the heart of Berlin, Germany today to protest the German government’s recent ban on bestiality, or sexual intercourse between humans and other animals. The law, which most Germans greeted with indifference—since many believed man-on-animal sex was already banned—has outraged the group, the members of which seem unaware of the difference…

Voters Back Romney, Just to See a Chris Matthews Meltdown

NEW YORK — Chris Matthews’ explosive meltdown after the first Presidential debate in Denver was not only shocking, but also incredibly entertaining. Matthew’s hair was ruffled. His eyes were so wide and angry they looked as though they might burst out of his skull. Viewers could almost see his arteries exploding on his forehead. While the president’s performance was an utter drag,…

CNN to Outsource News to India

NEW YORK — In an effort to cut costs as well as fend competition from rivals MSNBC and Fox News, the Cable News Network (CNN) has begun outsourcing its news to India. Time Warner executives claim that local Indian broadcast stations are willing to produce compelling stories at a significantly lower cost than American outlets. CNN’s new initiative is projected to save…