Knicks Fans Already Forget Who Jeremy Lin Is

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NEW YORK — With the New York Knicks’ hot start to the season, Knicks fans are asking, “Jeremy who?” Knicks fans were recently asked how the excitement of this season’s beginning compares to the ‘Linsanity’ of last season. It’s clear that Jeremy Lin is an out-of-reach memory in the minds of Knicks fans. One hundred percent of Knicks fans surveyed didn’t know…

Bloomberg Asks for Creation of “Nanny-In-Chief” Cabinet Position, Nominates Self

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has petitioned President Obama to create a new cabinet position that he calls “Nanny-in-Chief.” The new office would be responsible for helping Americans make good decisions, namely by punishing and fining them if they make the wrong ones. Bloomberg told reporters that he wishes to fill the seat himself. “I’m rich, I’m a…

Sanctions With Ahmadinejad: A New York Minute

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NEW YORK — Well, all in all I would say that was a successful trip. One never knows what to expect from a jaunt to New York City, the land of hot dogs, homelessness, and homosexuals — Forgive me. My advisor is whispering into my ear, telling me that the gaunt figure in the potato sack-looking garb was not a homeless person…

Bloomberg Caught Strapping Dynamite to Verrazzano Bridge to Cut Off Staten Island

NEW YORK — Commuters along the Verrazzano-Narrows bridge yesterday morning were shocked to find NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg dangling below from a bungee-cord, duct-taping bricks of dynamite to the pilings in an attempt to sever the only physical tie Staten Island has to New York City. “I’m blowin’ this shit up!” the mayor called out to the throng of witnesses gathered above,…