MTA Announces New Employee Panhandling Program

pan-handler-mta

NEW YORK — To avoid another annoying fair hike, the severely indebted Metropolitan Transit Authority announced that beginning March 1st all employees will be expected to start panhandling. Surprised that after the third fair raise since 2008 commuter traffic has decreased, the MTA explained that panhandling was the only logical alternative. “I’m honestly surprised we didn’t do this a lot sooner,” MTA…

Bryant Park Ice Rink Holds 16,000 Skaters At Once

NEW YORK — Tuesday, still a week before Christmas, Citi Pond managers proudly announced that they had set a historical world record by allowing an astounding 16,000 skaters to enjoy the ice at once. “The one complaint people had about this facility was the wait,” explained Project Coordinator Darryl Matheson. “So on Tuesday evening we decided, why not let everyone in at…