GOP Unveils New Minority Outreach Spokesman, CPAC Shakur

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WASHINGTON — In the wake of this month’s Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), Republican leaders today excitedly introduced to a collection of GOP lawmakers CPAC Shakur, a right-wing ‘rapper of color’ with ‘street-cred’ who will serve as the GOP’s ambassador to African-American youths. “With Ted Cruz, Bobby Jindal and Marco Rubio in the fold, we are changing the face of the Republican…

Washington State is Hiring, Potheads Finally Wanted

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TACOMA, Wa. — Washington State is looking for pot experts to advise them on marijuana and thousands of unemployed pot smokers and college students who will be unemployed in the near future are applying. This past fall, Washington became one of the first states (along with Colorado) to pass laws legalizing the recreational use of marijuana. Soon, anyone over the age of…

America to Lower Standards and Embrace Cheaters

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NEW YORK — After years of demanding more from athletes in American sports, the public has spoken. Let them cheat. In a poll conducted by ESPN, an astounding 92% of Americans say they no longer care if athletes cheat. In fact, most Americans don’t want to know if a player is cheating. “I really don’t care if Lance Armstrong cheated,” explained die-hard…