news humor and satire Archives

Ted Cruz’s Father Suggests Placing Atheists in ‘Camps’

“Of course, this leads us, when there are no moral absolutes, leads us to sexual immorality, leads us to sexual abuse, leads us to perversion and, of course, no hope. No hope!”

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Pope Criminalizes the Reporting of Sex Crimes 2

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2 min

World

Pope Criminalizes the Reporting of Sex Crimes

"The Church wants to impress the world by getting tough on sex crimes, but they criminalized leaks, which is the only way anybody would ever discover their crimes. It’s genius, if you stop and think about it.”

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Two Dead After 3D Printer Jams While Printing Gun 3

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2 min

Two Dead After 3D Printer Jams While Printing Gun

"Unless, like many people, you consider trying to create a deadly weapon out of thin air as foul play, but it’s not the Austin Police Department’s role to make those kinds of decisions.”

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33 Amazing Things Congress Did This Year 4

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1 min

33 Amazing Things Congress Did This Year

"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think." - Milton Berle

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Al-Maliki Vows to Return Iraq to Peace, Taps Saddam Hussein’s Daughter as Running Mate 5

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2 min

Al-Maliki Vows to Return Iraq to Peace, Taps Saddam Hussein’s Daughter as Running Mate

Members of the reunited Republican Guard were seen at a local rally for al-Maliki passing out novelty Saddam-style moustaches and campaign paraphernalia emblazoned with the slogan, “Yes, BaghDAD Can!”

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NNTS: Islam Not Covered by First Amendment, Says Republican House Candidate 6

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2 min

NoNeedToSatirize

NNTS: Islam Not Covered by First Amendment, Says Republican House Candidate

“Most people think Islam is a religion, it’s not,” he said a crowd of Coweta County Tea Party Patriots in 2001. “It’s a totalitarian way of life with a religious component."

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Scientists Develop Way of Teleporting Real Information Into Textbooks, Bypassing Texas Bd. of Education 7

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2 min

Scientists Develop Way of Teleporting Real Information Into Textbooks, Bypassing Texas Bd. of Education

“This could change the game,” he adds. “The Texas Board of Education would have no power to indoctrinate students with invalid information.”

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Conspiracy Theorists See Cover-up in 9/11 Museum’s Removal of Commemorative Cheese Plate 8

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2 min

Conspiracy Theorists See Cover-up in 9/11 Museum’s Removal of Commemorative Cheese Plate

Independent research from a non-governmental agency indicates that consumption of this blue cheese before bed is associated with especially outlandish dreams.

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