“Of course, this leads us, when there are no moral absolutes, leads us to sexual immorality, leads us to sexual abuse, leads us to perversion and, of course, no hope. No hope!”
“The Church wants to impress the world by getting tough on sex crimes, but they criminalized leaks, which is the only way anybody would ever discover their crimes. It’s genius, if you stop and think about it.”
“Unless, like many people, you consider trying to create a deadly weapon out of thin air as foul play, but it’s not the Austin Police Department’s role to make those kinds of decisions.”
“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.” – Milton Berle
Members of the reunited Republican Guard were seen at a local rally for al-Maliki passing out novelty Saddam-style moustaches and campaign paraphernalia emblazoned with the slogan, “Yes, BaghDAD Can!”
“Most people think Islam is a religion, it’s not,” he said a crowd of Coweta County Tea Party Patriots in 2001. “It’s a totalitarian way of life with a religious component.”
“This could change the game,” he adds. “The Texas Board of Education would have no power to indoctrinate students with invalid information.”
Independent research from a non-governmental agency indicates that consumption of this blue cheese before bed is associated with especially outlandish dreams.
“The plan is anti-city, not anti-black,” explained Kunze. “Trust me, plenty of white folk are gonna get eaten if this thing goes down.”
Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: President Barack Obama from President Barack Obama
“However, once a child does exist in your womb, I’m not going to assume a right to kill it just because the child’s host (some refer to them as mothers) doesn’t want it.”
“Posting sexually-explicit pictures and videos of people without their consent has had its moment in the sun, but frankly [we’re] looking in another direction now,” Moore said in a jailhouse interview.
“The principle is among the most controversial of all directives coming from the Bible,” he writes in the book. “Many of my friends dealt with the directive by ignoring it… Or, well, their wives did.”
“For now, I’m all alone. But I’m confident they’ll hop on board the stink train once they realize it’s a great way to shield the Penn State administration from future liability,” said Franklin.
From Syria to the North Pole, global tensions were on the rise in 2013. Here are Newslo’s predictions for the bloodiest conflicts to come in 2014.
“I think Rob Ford is proof that it’s never too late to turn your life around. It shows that anybody—and I mean anybody—can become mayor of our city,” said Toronto resident Mary Beansleeve.
“Frankly, that’s ridiculous,” he said. “I have lots of rich friends who love poor people. I mean we hire poor people to cook our meals, do our laundry, raise our kids. You can’t feel anything but compassion for your live-in staff. If the Pope had servants of his own, he’d understand all this.”
She just wants to continue spotlighting the hardships experienced by Americans so that the country can rally to their aid. Her courage and sympathy were both on display when she anchored a series of poignant reports from a Gulf still reeling from Hurricane Katrina in 2005.
“This is why I love Amazon,” said Chicago resident Randy Klopeck, a proud member of Amazon Prime, the service that guarantees two-day-shipping of products. “They don’t make excuses; they solve problems.”
“We owe a lot to Kalashnikov,” said Nigerian Islamic militant Igbo Okoye, toting one of Kalashnikov’s creations. “Without him, our plan to overthrow our decadent pro-Western government might be little more than a pipe dream.”
From prescription drugs to vacation time, a sick and tired nation looked to Santa to deliver the goods.
While emphasizing that he “would not immediately begin” sodomizing his wife, the former Pennsylvania senator indicated that the sexual act would be committed at some point in the near future, “possibly after New Year’s.”
“So what if they haven’t stopped an ‘imminent’ attack? That’s proof that the NSA’s surveillance program is working. Maybe if they’d started doing this earlier, there would have been no 9/11 or Pearl Harbor. We could have seen the redcoats coming.”
“This painting makes me weep when I see it,” Schjeldahl said. “It reminds me that, in our world, a man can kill an unarmed teenager and somehow still be out there, walking around free, painting dumb pictures. It’s tragic—and therefore quite beautiful.”