“The president lied about Obamacare,” Gohmert said, “and now Israelis and Palestinians have to pay the price.”
“That showed great weakness, and we just couldn’t tolerate it. But if he’s running around saying sorry for his own, personal mistakes, then I’m all for it. In fact, it’s about time.”
” For too long we’ve let fats from foreign countries sap the working class. I call upon the F.D.A. to end any special privileges these criminal fats may be enjoying.”
“The only way to save our planet is to force every pregnant woman to give birth to the child within her. Tie them down if we must, it is God’s design.”
“Guess who isn’t one of those 50 million suckers!” beamed Cory Mosson, an investment strategist at Raymond James. “One out of every six Americans live below poverty, or in poverty, or wherever poverty is, and I’m not one of them.”
“This upsets people, but I’m upset it’s not legal,” Stossel insisted. “In the one country where it is legal, nobody waits for a kidney.”
NEW YORK – Many of America’s largest retailers, including Macy’s and Kohl’s, are foregoing their traditional “Black Friday” sales promotions and beginning their holiday shopping seasons on Thanksgiving this year, according to industry analysts. On Wednesday, several CEOs explained that the change in tact is meant to stay competitive in an increasingly-cutthroat marketplace, and also to clarify that their sales are “meant…
As of press time, the DeBlasio campaign victory party has still been in full swing since Columbus Day.
The president candidly admitted that he sometimes feels “guilty” and “thinks really, really hard” about having “allowed the war in Iraq to happen to me and the American citizenry.”
One source did confirm that both Bloomberg and Ray Kelly voted for the current mayor as a write-in candidate, but they were not optimistic about his chances.
“With nearly 7 million people driven from their homes, infection and dietary crises are having a field day,” Vries said. “At this point, it’s hard to imagine Syria getting back up on its feet.”
Asked about the loss of priceless works of art that were recently restored at the cost of millions of dollars, a Vatican spokesperson pointed reporters to the gift shop where there are “many postcards and reprints for sale.”
On Monday, Christie promised that he would forgive Romney’s “callous behavior, as long as Mitt publicly states that he will back Hilary Clinton for president in 2016.”
Vladeck then explained that if a tree falls in a forest, it makes a sound whether anyone sees it fall or not.
For all this country does for the world,” Obama explained, “the least they could do is keep the good folks at the NSA entertained.”
Mayor Ford issued a brief statement denying his involvement with Slick Jay or the “drug community” and again insisted that he would not vacate his office.
“The president’s science adviser, John Holdren, is essentially a fruitcake,” Bell agreed.
“I’m not saying gays and things don’t deserve jobs; they absolutely do. I know a lot of them work very hard at whatever it is they do.”
After the fallout from her interview, Van Sustern was called in to Ailes’ office. She then opened her next show with a lengthy segment explaining how Obamacare forces children to kill their puppies.
“We’ve maintained all along that Obamacare will kill people,” said one congressional aide. “And it turns out we were right. But if those deaths are only temporary, it’s really going to hurt our credibility.”
“We’re seeing more and more of this victim mentality in America,” said Doocy on the settlement. “60 million dollars for 26 victims of sexual assault comes out to just under 2.3 million per victim. 2.3 million dollars just for being sexually abused?”
Stuck at home this Oct. 31? Try one of these cinematic delights. Some of them are famous, some are obscure; some of them are great, others are laughable. All of them can be a scary good time, and that’s a Fact.
“I expect anyone I do business with to be more sensitive to the important issue of moving as much merchandise as humanly possible,” he added.
Hayden admitted that the experience has been a sobering one. “I feel so violated,” he said.