“If you hit kids when they’re small, for whatever reason you’re hitting them, you’re planting the idea that it’s OK to use pain to accomplish an end,” he said.
“Asking young teenagers to remember to wear a condom is one thing,” said Woodcock, “but asking them to exercise the kind of self control it takes to use the pull-out method would be disastrous.”
“Trust me,” she added. “A couple of free blow-up dolls on the taxpayers’ dime are a hell of a lot cheaper than another syphilis outbreak clogging up the ER.”
“The greatest tragedy is that they never made it to the part where they buy insurance,” Secretary Sebelius said. “So they won’t be covered for these injuries.”
When asked for comment, Mayor Vincent Gray declined to give his opinion on the legislation for fear of how President Obama, Congress or Wal-Mart would react.
The official admitted that it may take a little while for the Taliban to get up to full terrorist speed. “We can’t be everywhere at once. Who do you think we are – the N.S.A.?”
WASHINGTON — In a move intended to shore up both national security and spur job creation, Republican congressman Jim Jordan this week proposed allocating $436 million for improvements to the 70-ton Abrams tank, despite the fact that the Pentagon does not, in fact, want the tank. “If we had our choice, we would use that money in a different way,” said General…
WASHINGTON — In a phone call with Russian President Vladimir Putin on Monday, President Obama “voiced his concern” over reports that Syrian government forces have been using chemical weapons on their own people. Sources inside the White House indicate that the President is “pretty darn sure” that “making his concerns known” will be sufficient to end the massacres.” “It’s looking increasingly likely that…
BALTIMORE — Star Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis has expressed confidence that a victory for the Baltimore Ravens in the upcoming Super Bowl XLVII will more than make up for that time he killed two people. Since his indictment on murder and aggravated-assault charges in 2000, Lewis has worked to rehabilitate his image and become known more as a Ravens icon, and…