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Posts by tag

news humor satire

9 posts
  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Kansas to Allow Schools to Beat Children

  • February 24, 2014
  • News Lo
“If you hit kids when they’re small, for whatever reason you’re hitting them, you’re planting the idea that it’s OK to use pain to accomplish an end,” he said.
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  • Today's Headlines
  • Uncategorized
  • US

FDA Approves ‘Pull-Out Method’ for Over the Counter Use

  • November 10, 2013
  • News Lo
FDA
“Asking young teenagers to remember to wear a condom is one thing,” said Woodcock, “but asking them to exercise the kind of self control it takes to use the pull-out method would be disastrous.”
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  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Adult Entertainers Excited Obamacare covers Sex Toys

  • November 7, 2013
  • News Lo
“Trust me,” she added. “A couple of free blow-up dolls on the taxpayers’ dime are a hell of a lot cheaper than another syphilis outbreak clogging up the ER.”
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  • Politics

Obamacare Kills 2, Wounds Dozens in First Week

  • October 2, 2013
  • News Lo
“The greatest tragedy is that they never made it to the part where they buy insurance,” Secretary Sebelius said. “So they won’t be covered for these injuries.”
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  • DC

D.C. May Decriminalize Pot to Reduce Criminal Convictions, ‘Piss Off Obama’

  • July 15, 2013
  • News Lo
When asked for comment, Mayor Vincent Gray declined to give his opinion on the legislation for fear of how President Obama, Congress or Wal-Mart would react.
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  • World

Taliban Enters Peace Talks, Promises To Only Terrorize Women, Infidels

  • June 20, 2013
  • News Lo
The official admitted that it may take a little while for the Taliban to get up to full terrorist speed. “We can’t be everywhere at once. Who do you think we are – the N.S.A.?”
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  • DC
  • Politics

Congress Proposes Billions in Defense Spending That Pentagon Doesn’t Want

  • May 8, 2013
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON — In a move intended to shore up both national security and spur job creation, Republican congressman Jim Jordan this week proposed allocating $436 million for improvements to the…
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  • World

Obama Sure ‘Voicing His Concern’ Will End Syrian Chemical Weapon Attacks

  • May 7, 2013
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON — In a phone call with Russian President Vladimir Putin on Monday, President Obama “voiced his concern” over reports that Syrian government forces have been using chemical weapons on their…
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  • Sports

Ray Lewis Optimistic Super Bowl Victory will Make Up for Time He Murdered People

  • January 29, 2013
  • News Lo
BALTIMORE — Star Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis has expressed confidence that a victory for the Baltimore Ravens in the upcoming Super Bowl XLVII will more than make up for…
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