Opening the doors to the city’s armory, he continued, “If you don’t think we can handle the job, do it yourselves.”
“This is a total game-changer,” said Charles Payne, Varney’s co-host. “When I saw that ship stuck in ice, I thought, ‘My God—Stuart’s been right all along! The Earth is getting colder!’ That’s when I knew he should be recognized for his amazing insight.”
“I would say just by suggesting we take measures to save the lives of those God has damned is pretty darned presumptuous,” said Governor Fallin. “He has a plan for us all, and you better be damned sure it does not involve raising the corporate tax rate.”
It remains speculative if the pornography revelations and employment applications are connected, but reporters managed to catch up with one applicant who spoke of his sense of duty.
“It’s bad enough that most gentiles already think of Hanukkah as nothing more than Christmas for the Jews. Now the Jewish people have to contend with another made up holiday,” complained Netanyahu.
However, Limbaugh said that he would not lead the charge in people killing themselves as “that’s what Obama and Democrats would want,” and explained that he is “going to stay alive just to fight for everyone that died protesting Obamacare.”
WASHINGTON — In a historic vote on Tuesday, Congress overwhelmingly passed a bill aimed at funding attempts to reanimate such beloved Americans as Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and Benjamin Franklin using pioneering stem cell technology. According to Representative Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), the bill was passed in hopes that members of Congress might finally be able to get the Founding Fathers’ “infallible opinions” on divisive modern issues. “Instead…
Dear Pissed Connections, I just started dating this total hottie and we’ve been taking things slow. Last night she finally invited me upstairs into her apartment, and I was thrilled. To thank her for letting me go up, I figured I’d go down… on her. Once things really heated up mid make-out session, I began unzipping her pants, only to realize the…