Kris Jenner to open “American Kardashian Place”

LOS ANGELES — Kris Jenner, matriarch of the famed “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” clan, has announced their newest venture, “American Kardashian Place,” a store for girls and gays of all ages to explore their inner Kim, Khloe or Kourtney through dolls, doll accessories and fashion. The Kardashians have built an empire with their reality show and its spinoffs, their own clothing…

Martin Luther King, Jr. Founded the Modern GOP, Says Modern GOP

WASHINGTON — A newly released biography of Martin Luther King Jr. penned collaboratively by prominent Republican politicians and pundits has revealed some surprising facts about the late civil rights leader’s political views. The biography, titled MLK: Father of the Modern GOP, is a compilation of writings from Republican figures like Newt Gingrich, Ann Coulter, and Sean Hannity, which analyze King’s speeches and…

Gun Group Greets New Residents; Arms Them


gun-show

PINELLAS, Fla. — A group of friendly gun owners living in the gated community of Kenilworth Estates have formed a committee that welcomes new neighbors to the development with a gift basket that contains local maps, coupons to nearby restaurants, and semi-automatic weapons. The program, called the Welcome Magnum Committee, has proven quite popular, and has been gaining attention nationally. “The name…

Palin Leaves FOX for Wendy’s to Better Spread Word, Mayo

ANCHORAGE, Alaska — In a stunning announcement today, former Half-Term Alaskan Governor and Republican Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin informed Anchorage resident Walter Gibbons that the Spicy Chicken Go Wrap he had ordered would be slightly delayed because of Obamacare and Palin’s need to restock the cheddar cheese. “She was pretty upset to find the cheddar cheese bin empty,” said Gibbons. “One moment…

Proponents of Second Amendment Denounce First Amendment

WASHINGTON – Following the tragic massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School, proponents of Second Amendment Rights claim to have found the true cause of the recent rash of mass shootings in America: the First Amendment. At a speech earlier this week, NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre continued his crusade against the American media, arguing that “First Amendment abuses” were making young men across the country lash out.…

Alumni of Abstinence Only Education Either Parents or Liars

JACKSON, Miss. — With one of the highest rates of teen pregnancies in the nation, Mississippi public schools fervently defend their state’s standard of abstinence-only sex education. 19-year-old Maggie Joslin conceived her first child during her junior year of high school, well after she completed the required sex-ed course. She believes that the introduction of an all-inclusive sexual health curriculum that covers…