Dick Cheney Excited to Celebrate Razorblade and Apple Day

JACKSON, Wyo. — Those children daring enough to climb the twisted staircase leading up to Dick Cheney’s gothic stone castle will be sorely disappointed. Do not let the gothic mansion fool you: Cheney does not celebrate Halloween anymore. He just lives there. Fearing a 37th heart attack, the former Vice President has changed his outlook on Halloween. He now believes the Holiday…

Sexy NYT Best Sellers Save Parents from Having to Give “The Talk”

NEW YORK — With easy-to-read novels like the “Fifty Shades” series topping the charts of best selling lists everywhere, parents around the country are heaving sighs of relief. Popular books with rudimentary grammar, simple clauses, and crazy sexy subject matter are perfect, moms say, for handling the awkward task of informing curious minors of how babies are made. Other New York Times…