Congress Throws $10m Party to Celebrate 8% Rise in Approval Ratings

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WASHINGTON — The Senate and House of Representatives have green-lit plans for a lavish, luxurious $10 million party next week, in celebration of congressional approval ratings rising from 13% to 21%. Last week, the Gallup Organization revealed that pre-election approval ratings had risen 8% for Congress since the last monthly poll in September.  The results reflected Americans’ increasing confidence in the economy,…

The NRA Announces New “Guns for Girls” Program

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WASHINGTON — Citing a lack of advocacy or interest toward domestic abuse and violence against women, President of the NRA, David Keene announced the introduction of a new “Guns for Girls” program targeted at addressing this issue. Shocked by the fact that 1/3 of women in the world will experience some form of violence during their lives, the NRA, largely considered one…

Romney Concession Speech Leaked

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BELMONT, Mass. – My fellow Americans, I would like to thank you for the support I have received throughout my campaign for the presidency. While it did not lead to the desired result, I still believe I have contributed to the political discourse in this great nation, and I have the support of millions to thank for that. It’s getting closer and…

Voters Back Romney, Just to See a Chris Matthews Meltdown

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NEW YORK — Chris Matthews’ explosive meltdown after the first Presidential debate in Denver was not only shocking, but also incredibly entertaining. Matthew’s hair was ruffled. His eyes were so wide and angry they looked as though they might burst out of his skull. Viewers could almost see his arteries exploding on his forehead. While the president’s performance was an utter drag,…