MENLO PARK, Calif. — In a last-minute scramble before the election results came in, millions of Facebook idiots were trying to figure out what to post as a status once the election was over. Both Twitter and Facebook were overtaken with zingers during all of election season, but now Facebook users are running out of cool things to say. One Facebook user,…
WASHINGTON — The Senate and House of Representatives have green-lit plans for a lavish, luxurious $10 million party next week, in celebration of congressional approval ratings rising from 13% to 21%. Last week, the Gallup Organization revealed that pre-election approval ratings had risen 8% for Congress since the last monthly poll in September. The results reflected Americans’ increasing confidence in the economy,…
DAMASCUS, Syria – President Bashar al-Assad and the rebels fighting to oust him agreed last week to a ceasefire during the Muslim holiday Eid al-Adha, which celebrates the end of the Hajj, the annual pilgrimage to Mecca. Muslims throughout Syria agreed that it was the decent thing to do to not kill one another in honor of the holiday, but to return…
BRONX, N.Y. — Just minutes after NYPD officers shot and killed an unarmed 16-year-old teen in the Bronx, reporters showed up at his family’s home and asked for “the most thugged out picture of him” that they could find. The boy’s mother handed out a photo scrapbook and told reporters to choose whichever pictures they wanted. Among the hundreds of pictures showing…
WASHINGTON — Citing a lack of advocacy or interest toward domestic abuse and violence against women, President of the NRA, David Keene announced the introduction of a new “Guns for Girls” program targeted at addressing this issue. Shocked by the fact that 1/3 of women in the world will experience some form of violence during their lives, the NRA, largely considered one…
BELMONT, Mass. – My fellow Americans, I would like to thank you for the support I have received throughout my campaign for the presidency. While it did not lead to the desired result, I still believe I have contributed to the political discourse in this great nation, and I have the support of millions to thank for that. It’s getting closer and…
NEW YORK — Chris Matthews’ explosive meltdown after the first Presidential debate in Denver was not only shocking, but also incredibly entertaining. Matthew’s hair was ruffled. His eyes were so wide and angry they looked as though they might burst out of his skull. Viewers could almost see his arteries exploding on his forehead. While the president’s performance was an utter drag,…
NEW YORK — In preparation for a close election one of FOX News’s most extreme pundits and commentators, Sean Hannity, is hard at work constructing his narrative for a possible Obama reelection. There is no doubt that his coverage will be both “Fair and Balanced,” meaning that it will receive fair ratings and balanced time allotted to long winded speeches of America’s…
