Newslo Political satire Archives

New York

Astoria Neighborhood Board Takes Measures to Prevent Hipsters from Moving In

ASTORIA, N.Y. — The neighborhood board of Astoria, Queens, has voted to enact measures to maintain the neighborhood’s standing as the diverse melting pot that it once was – by…

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Obama to Detain Climate Change Deniers Indefinately 2

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2 min

Obama to Detain Climate Change Deniers Indefinately

Among the sweeping powers bestowed upon the new task force is the right to indefinitely detain anyone suspected of being a climate change denier, or anyone suspected of aiding and abetting climate change denial.

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Is Halloween Turning Your Child into a Socialist Parasite? 3

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3 min

Blogs

Is Halloween Turning Your Child into a Socialist Parasite?

The Devil’s Day is upon us once again, my friends. But the real danger of Halloween is neither the razor blade in the apple nor the scantily-clad co-eds harlotting up…

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Fifteen Percent of Homosexual Agenda Now Realized 4

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1 min

Fifteen Percent of Homosexual Agenda Now Realized

WASHINGTON — With voters in Maine, Maryland, and Washington voting to legalize gay marriage, exactly 15 percent of the homosexual agenda has now been realized. After more than thirty straight…

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Phil Jackson Having a Blast Toying with Desperate Lakers 5

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2 min

Sports

Phil Jackson Having a Blast Toying with Desperate Lakers

LOS ANGELES – After firing Head Coach Mike Brown after a dismal 1-4 start, Lakers owner Jerry Buss and team executives scrambled to find Phil Jackson, who led the team…

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Obama Celebrates Victory Over Romney, Changes Name of Traditionally Red State to Allah-Bama 6

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1 min

Politics

Obama Celebrates Victory Over Romney, Changes Name of Traditionally Red State to Allah-Bama

MOBILE, Ala. — In a surprising victory speech, President Barack Obama decided to kick Republicans where it hurts. In a nod to his Islamist supporters in Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood, Barack…

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Losing Presidential Candidate Agrees to Donate Victory Speech to Leader of Third World Country 7

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2 min

Politics

Losing Presidential Candidate Agrees to Donate Victory Speech to Leader of Third World Country

WASHINGTON — In a closed door meeting with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, President Obama and Mitt Romney both agreed to donate their prepared victory speeches to the leader of a…

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2 min

Politics

Obama’s Concession Speech Leaked

WASHINGTON — My fellow citizens and constituents: I’d like to thank you for the oscillating support I’ve received during my term in office. I feel that I’ve been able to…

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