Newslo Political satire

Conspiracy Theorists Fear Romney Victory Will Put Them Out of Business

WASHINGTON – A Newslo voter poll of conspiracy theorists shows an abrupt change in perception since the first presidential debate last week. Fervent believers in baseless theories about President Obama…

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Politics

Undecided Voter Goes With Obama after Scarlett Johansson Endorsement

DES MOINES, Iowa – Iowa factory worker Jonathan Flagler, 30, has decided to cast his vote for Barack Obama after actress Scarlett Johansson vocally endorsed the incumbent president. Flagler had…

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Politics

“Times are Tough” Says Man Speaking to $20,000-a-Plate Crowd

ATLANTA — The nation’s crippling economic downturn has ushered in unprecedented levels of unemployment, home foreclosure, and bankruptcy. No one understands the pain of average Americans struggling with hunger, joblessness,…

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Politics

CIA Resorts to Stealing Citizens’ Identities After Budget Cuts

LANGLEY, Va. — According to an anonymous whistle-blower within the CIA, after the passage of last month’s defense department budget cuts, the agency has resorted to identity theft to fund…

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Politics

Bloomberg Asks for Creation of “Nanny-In-Chief” Cabinet Position, Nominates Self

WASHINGTON, D.C. — New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has petitioned President Obama to create a new cabinet position that he calls “Nanny-in-Chief.” The new office would be responsible for…

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Report: Credit Card Not Free Money

AGOURA HILLS, Calif. — Cal State Northridge grad-student Derek Zithfvelt was appalled to discover the little plastic card he has been toting around in his wallet to use for expenses…

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Politics

Congress After Hours: What Congress Is Doing When It’s Doing Nothing

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Capitol Hill interns have leaked shocking footage of Congressional proceedings that seem to explain the legislative branch’s notorious gridlock. Long criticized for its stasis on any productive…

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Politics

Congressional Candidate Deemed Racist After “Black Friend” Refuses to Defend Him

BISMARCK, N.D. — North Dakota electoral politics are not known for their sprawling diversity, but race has recently taken a front seat in the state’s lone congressional battle. During a…

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