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Posts by tag

Newslo satire

43 posts
  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Ted Cruz Father Suggests Placing Atheists in ‘Camps’

  • June 5, 2017
  • News Lo
“Of course, this leads us, when there are no moral absolutes, leads us to sexual immorality, leads us to sexual abuse, leads us to perversion and, of course, no hope. No hope!”
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  • Politics

Presidential Candidates Cultivating ‘More Evil’ Images in Hopes of Winning White House

  • July 24, 2014
  • News Lo
“I’ve always felt we were kindred spirits. I, too, recently used a superlaser to destroy peaceful planet.”
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  • NoNeedToSatirize

#NNTS: Maine Republican regrets saying men should rape women if abortion is legal

  • February 28, 2014
  • News Lo
“At least the rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom doesn’t (in most cases) result in anyone’s death.”
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  • Politics
  • Today's Headlines

Rep. Steve Stockman Endorsed by Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, and Lucky Charms Leprechaun

  • January 7, 2014
  • News Lo
“There’s a decay growing in this system, and Rep. Steve Stockman will get to the root of it!”
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  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Home Depot Founder Says Next Pope Should Be a Rich American

  • January 2, 2014
  • News Lo
“Frankly, that’s ridiculous,” he said. “I have lots of rich friends who love poor people. I mean we hire poor people to cook our meals, do our laundry, raise our kids. You can’t feel anything but compassion for your live-in staff. If the Pope had servants of his own, he’d understand all this.”
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  • Today's Headlines
  • World

Pharmaceutical Executives: ‘Prescription Drugs Not Addictive Enough’

  • December 30, 2013
  • News Lo
Pfizer, a competitor, has launched its own campaign: “The first dose is free.™”
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  • Today's Headlines
  • World

Uganda Deals Crippling Blow to Homosexual Recruiting

  • December 23, 2013
  • News Lo
“It’s getting harder and harder to lure children away from the straight lifestyle,” Roberts added. “Putin’s got Russia on lockdown, and you can forget about China. Even if we could get into North Korea, would we want to?”
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  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Homophobic Male Learns his ‘Wife’ is a Man

  • December 20, 2013
  • News Lo
He went on to say that if he does indeed marry a woman “by mistake” again, he’ll be sure it’s in North Dakota, where the legal system goes easy on men who have trouble deciphering gender.
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  • NoNeedToSatirize
  • Today's Headlines

#NNTS: Neal Boortz defends ‘white Santa’: ‘Martin Luther King is always portrayed as black!’

  • December 16, 2013
  • News Lo
ertion that Santa Claus was white, saying he was going to “scream and complain because Martin Luther King is always portrayed as black.”
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  • Entertainment
  • Today's Headlines

Pope Francis Named Time’s ‘Man of the Year’ for Twerking, Exposing NSA

  • December 13, 2013
  • News Lo
“For making ‘twerking’ into a household word, for standing up to the Taliban for women’s education, and for forcing a discussion on the balance of freedom and security, Pope Francis is Time's 2013 Person of the Year.”
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  • Entertainment
  • Today's Headlines

Morrissey Devastated to Discover Memoir’s U.S. Edition Printed on Animal Skins

  • December 12, 2013
  • News Lo
Morrissey
“And seriously, animal skins? Who does that?” Karnes added. “I can only imagine it cost the American publisher a fortune to bind and distribute tens of thousands of pages of … of hide. But why?”
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  • Today's Headlines
  • US

‘Ted Cruz’ Coloring Book Teaches Children how to Shame Atheists, Euthanize the Uninsured

  • December 10, 2013
  • News Lo
“If they need a little push making their way into Heaven, that okay too,” the book says. “Jesus will understand if you help them ‘fall’ down a flight of stairs. It’s what Uncle Cruz would do!”
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  • Politics
  • Today's Headlines

Congress Mourns Sandy Hook Anniversary, Getting Things Done

  • December 8, 2013
  • News Lo
“Apparently, those days are gone, and we thought it appropriate that we take some time to remember the time before we became completely impotent.”
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  • US

Hawaii, Distant Tropical Archipelago, Legalizes Marriages of Two Women, or Two Men

  • November 13, 2013
  • News Lo
Leaving courthouse on first day of gay marriage in Washington
Hawaii follows 14 other states and the District of Columbia in legalizing gay marriages. The average cost of a wedding cake in Hawaii is $3,250.
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  • NoNeedToSatirize
  • Today's Headlines

#NoNeedToSatirize: Texas Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst calls 911 to pressure police to release jailed relative

  • August 22, 2013
  • News Lo
Defense gov
“What I would like to do is if you would explain to me, sergeant, what I would need to do to arrange for getting her out of jail this evening,” he said. “You can proceed with whatever you think is proper.”
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  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Sarah Palin Runs for Mayor of Detroit

  • August 12, 2013
  • News Lo
Palin, for one, was not about to leave anything to chance. Cameras at the polling station spotted “P-A-L-I-N” scrawled on her palm as she entered to cast her vote.
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  • Media
  • Video

VIDEO: Newslo Weekly Roundup

  • January 28, 2013
  • News Lo
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  • New York

Occupy Wall Street Bought out by American Apparel

  • January 21, 2013
  • News Lo
NEW YORK — In a deal that’s likely to bolster the sex appeal of American Apparel, the Occupy Wall Street movement has agreed to sell 51% of its shares to…
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  • US

NRA Counters Gun Buybacks with Assault Rifle Giveaway

  • December 30, 2012
  • News Lo
LOS ANGELES – After a hugely successful one-day gun buyback event in Los Angeles saw over 2,000 firearms – including 75 assault weapons and two rocket launchers – being returned…
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  • Politics

Wayne LaPierre Calls for Giving Guns the Right to Vote

  • December 23, 2012
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON – Sensing that his recent comments about putting an armed guard in every school had backfired, and that gun control advocates were gaining ground, NRA vice-president Wayne LaPierre issued…
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  • Politics

Nation Shocked GOP Senators Care More about Nation than Grover Norquist

  • November 28, 2012
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON — Americans are expressing shock and amazement at the revelation that a number of Republican Senators may actually care more about the people they represent than they do about…
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  • Media

Guy Fieri Strikes Back with Poignant Essay on the Decline of Print Journalism

  • November 19, 2012
  • News Lo
NEW YORK — Following The New York Times’ merciless takedown of celebrity chef Guy Fieri’s new Times Square mega-restaurant, “Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar,” in which food critic Pete Wells…
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  • Politics

Romney: “I love women, I only have to pay them 72 cents on the dollar”

  • November 1, 2012
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON — Following heated controversy on Republican candidate Mitt Romney’s religious and personal views about women, critics were stunned when he admitted at an Ohio rally, “I love women, I…
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  • Blogs

HISTORICAL INACCURACY: Gandhi’s Salt March Actually Quest for Perfect Cheeseburger

  • October 29, 2012
  • News Lo
HISTORY— Mahatma “Hot Foot” Gandhi admitted in a recent post-mortem autobiography that his infamous Salt March initially began as the quest for the perfect cheeseburger. “You’d think cows be sacred…
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