NFL to Replace Kickoffs with “Moments of Silence

NEW YORK — In the wake of the tragic shootings in Connecticut and the recent murder-suicide of Kasandra M. Perkins by Kansas City linebacker Jovan Belcher, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced plans to permanently replace all “kick-offs” with “moments-of-silence.” The NFL has been campaigning to show its sensitive side for several years. This October marked the fourth year in a row that…

Big East Adds Madrasas: Uses Holy War Narrative to Negotiate Bigger TV Deal

NEW YORK — With seven Catholic schools leaving the Big East, including league stalwarts Georgetown and Villanova, the conference is looking to add seven Muslim Madrasas. The departing schools will take with them a long history of storied rivalries, and league commissioner Mike Aresco believes that the new Muslim flavor of the conference will help drum up interest and give them the…

NHL Lockout Will Continue for as Long as it Takes to Ruin the Sport

gary-bettman

ISELIN, N.J. — In an interview following Wednesday’s meeting between the NHL and the National Hockey League Players’ Association (NHLPA), NHL commissioner Gary Bettman maintained that the NHL won’t give up in its effort to completely ruin professional hockey. “I clearly did too good of a job building up the NHL and increasing its appeal across the United States,” explained Bettman. “I…

NFL Hopes Fans Will Remain Apathetic About Player Safety

Denver

DENVER — In an interview Sunday, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell expressed optimism that, over the remaining two months of the season, fans across America will continue to ignore the messy ethical issues surrounding the safety of professional football. “Despite countless reports detailing the detrimental effects football has on the long-term physical and mental health of players, the National Football League remains as popular as…