For “my man, Willie,” Allman was willing to look the other way—and donate the department’s water cooler to the cause.
“Without God, there is literally nothing to stop a president from cannibalizing the nation’s children one by one,” noted Kevin Moore of Erie, Pennsylvania.
“As a matter of health and safety, we spaced the participants out to ensure our message reaches the four corners of the globe,” said Riley.
“The human body is 70% water, and Agenda 21 – so-named because it refers to the 21% of the body not made of water- is a plot to control that 70%. Don’t let them control your 70%!”
“Due to the rave reviews this property is receiving,” a company spokesperson said, “we are in serious negations with the U.S. government in an attempt to rent out rooms at Guantanamo Bay.. ”
“This is why I love Amazon,” said Chicago resident Randy Klopeck, a proud member of Amazon Prime, the service that guarantees two-day-shipping of products. “They don’t make excuses; they solve problems.”
Asked about the loss of priceless works of art that were recently restored at the cost of millions of dollars, a Vatican spokesperson pointed reporters to the gift shop where there are “many postcards and reprints for sale.”
The Department of Education announced today that America was still the world’s pre-eminent leader in athletics, and that “only nerds read international education reports, anyway.”