“Men, by and large, make more because some of the things that they do,” he opined. “Their jobs are, by and large, riskier. They don’t mind working nights and weekends. They don’t mind working overtime or outdoors.”
With determination and a fair amount of luck, anyone can join this fine group of inspiring lottery success stories.
“Yeah, I read about that on this one guy’s blog,” said Walter Hammand of Kansas City, Missouri. “Some big storm, right? Real nasty, just like Superstorm Sandy.”
You are more likely to read this, statistically speaking, if I organize this article in list form
No witnesses reported seeing authorities cart away boxes – or even handfuls – of activists’ panties.
More recently, Stengel has dispatched an investigative team to Denmark to report on a testicle biting fish.
“Now, neither Dr. Fata nor I read through all 10,000 pages of the regulations, but the stench of government overreach is unmistakable.”
The fanfare surrounding the paper’s return to local ownership largely eclipsed the tacit admission of an otherwise open secret long held by owners of broadsheets.
“My only advice to you, Riley Cooper, is that you don’t pronounce the “r” at the end,” concluded Limbaugh. “Apparently that makes it worse to them. Even when you’re at a country music concert.”
“I thought I saw a whistleblower just the other day, when I was visiting Moscow. But then my friend told me that, technically, what we’d seen has been classified as a traitor. What a let-down!”
It is not yet clear how long the author has used his Christian family to shield his Islamic faith from the public. Authorities say that if Aslan’s family wishes to seek protection, they should do so now in order to avoid any potential connection to terrorist activity.
Federal and state investigators are still looking into the Williams-McDonnell gifts, though they will surely stop once they hear he’s sorry.
“If any race of people should not have guilt about slavery, it’s Caucasians. The white race has probably had fewer slaves and for a briefer period of time than any other in the history of the world.”
I’ll probably bomb the shit out of it, get rejected from every school under the sun except for Florida’s unaccredited ones – I’m looking at you, Law and Order Binge-Watching Institute of Orlando — then start my own practice,” Zimmerman said with pride.
“With the return of the Twinkie,” he concluded, “America will not only be the Greatest Nation on Earth – but also the Greatest Nation in Girth.”
“Look what happened to Sodom. After a while, there wasn’t any other way, and God did something pretty drastic.”
Justice Stephen Breyer took the moment to interject, “Yesterday all the Democrats hated us, today all the Republicans hate us. So now everybody hates us. Nice going, Anthony. Christ, grow a spine.”
They seek to reduce corruption and fight official repression; they also seek to dance, dance, dance.
“Are you serious?” Williams replied.
WASHINGTON — During the twelfth hour of a filibuster initiated by Kentucky Senator Rand Paul last Wednesday, Florida Senator and real cool guy Marco Rubio took the floor to draw parallels between the state of the union and the lyrics of rappers Jay-Z and Wiz Khalifa, whom Rubio called “modern-day poets.” “‘It’s funny when seven days can change. It was all good…
PHOENIX — In response to the recent wave of public shootings, every school Arizona will be patrolled by what Sheriff Joe Arpaio has called “a super chain gang” made up of death row inmates who have all served at least seven years. According to the official statement released by the Sheriff’s Department, any death row inmate, regardless of crime, is eligible for…