Bloomberg, who has opted against reclaiming the title of chief in favor of “mayor” of the company, is expected to enact sweeping changes at the company.
The letter ends with a lipstick stain that, under scrutiny, was revealed to consist of a wine-water base.
“At least the rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom doesn’t (in most cases) result in anyone’s death.”
“We’ve had a way of doing business for 55 years,” he said. “Thirteen stripes plus fifty stars equals one American flag. Draper wants to ruin all that with his psychotic ‘plan.’”
“There isn’t a Republican official alive who won’t be sent to prison if my trial moves forward.
According to Belgian lawmakers, people have the right to die, if they so choose. Now they’re extending that right to kids, and experts say that “mass child suicide is right around the corner.”
“We can’t expect Masahiro to show up in America and immediately know how everything works,” Margolis said.
The research, funded by the Fox News Partnership for a Post-Feminist Society, offers great promise in the race to cure the nation’s “wimps, wussies, metrosexuals, and latte-sipping progressives” of their dangerous weaknesses.
“This is the worst thing to ever happen in New York City history.” Said recent NYC transplant and Australian native, Danny Gutiero, “I can’t believe any of us survived.”
Continued Rumsfeld, “These circumstances were a complete unknown at the time we were waging the original offensive in Iraq. But some Christmas wishes really do come true.”
Michael Crane said that for him, such proof could only come from one source. “Until my pastor says evolution is real, I will keep questioning the validity of so-called science,” Crane said. “It would be intellectually lazy to do otherwise.”
“These people have been camping out here, waiting ‘til the first. They’ve been eating like bears, so business is good, but it’s starting to smell like patchouli in here, and it’s scaring away the other customers.”
“If I wasn’t a member of Congress, no one would pay attention to this at all. Even with the dead hooker.”
“Stealing is wrong,” said company CEO Gregg Steinhafel, “but Target is a company that values ingenuity, and targeting and mining information from our point-of-sale system is pretty ingenious.”
“If they are not going to look out for our country’s representatives why should we look out for theirs?” said India’s Deputy Foreign Minister Preneet Kaur.
“I heard the reports, so I feared the worst, but sometimes it isn’t real until their LinkedIn page is gone, you know?” Pak added.
Another study revealed that, on average, as many as five minutes go by every day in America without somebody getting shot.
“And seriously, animal skins? Who does that?” Karnes added. “I can only imagine it cost the American publisher a fortune to bind and distribute tens of thousands of pages of … of hide. But why?”
So Onyango Okech Obama was dumbfounded when he received a curt request from White House Press Secretary Jay Carney to “politely self-deport back to Kenya so as not to create yet another headache for B.O.”
“At least American soldiers have weapons with which to defend themselves,” the book adds.
“It just doesn’t make sense. I mean, he wasn’t just white—he was in college too,” classmate Johanna Mayes told My San Antonio.
As of press time, David Spade is frantically trying to call Ford about the possibility of making Black Sheep 2.
Family Research Council President Tony Perkins on Monday argued that companies should have the religious freedom to deny contraception coverage for women because “that’s why the Pilgrims came here.”
“But thanks to our drone warfare program operating as intended for once, we can catch a breather before we spend the next few years re-bombing the same area looking for his successor.”