news satire Archives

Michael Bloomberg Regains Control of Company for Another Term, Renames It ‘Newer York City’

Bloomberg, who has opted against reclaiming the title of chief in favor of “mayor” of the company, is expected to enact sweeping changes at the company.

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Jesus’s Wife Wrote ‘Dear John’ Letter on Ancient Papyrus 2

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2 min

World

Jesus’s Wife Wrote ‘Dear John’ Letter on Ancient Papyrus

The letter ends with a lipstick stain that, under scrutiny, was revealed to consist of a wine-water base.

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#NNTS: Maine Republican regrets saying men should rape women if abortion is legal 3

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1 min

NoNeedToSatirize

#NNTS: Maine Republican regrets saying men should rape women if abortion is legal

“At least the rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom doesn’t (in most cases) result in anyone’s death.”

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Flag-makers Panic as Plan to Break Calif. into 6 States Moves Forward 4

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2 min

Flag-makers Panic as Plan to Break Calif. into 6 States Moves Forward

“We’ve had a way of doing business for 55 years,” he said. “Thirteen stripes plus fifty stars equals one American flag. Draper wants to ruin all that with his psychotic ‘plan.’"

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Republican Worried Corruption Trial Will Implicate Too Many Republicans; Asks for Delay Until After Elections 5

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2 min

Republican Worried Corruption Trial Will Implicate Too Many Republicans; Asks for Delay Until After Elections

“There isn’t a Republican official alive who won’t be sent to prison if my trial moves forward.

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Belgian Government Embraces Suicide for Kids 6

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2 min

World

Belgian Government Embraces Suicide for Kids

According to Belgian lawmakers, people have the right to die, if they so choose. Now they’re extending that right to kids, and experts say that “mass child suicide is right around the corner.”

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Tanaka Celebrates $155 Million Yankees Deal with Sushi and Steroids Party 7

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2 min

Tanaka Celebrates $155 Million Yankees Deal with Sushi and Steroids Party

“We can’t expect Masahiro to show up in America and immediately know how everything works,” Margolis said.

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Fox News Claims Scientific Breakthrough in ‘Wussification’ of Men’ 8

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2 min

Media

Fox News Claims Scientific Breakthrough in ‘Wussification’ of Men’

The research, funded by the Fox News Partnership for a Post-Feminist Society, offers great promise in the race to cure the nation’s “wimps, wussies, metrosexuals, and latte-sipping progressives” of their dangerous weaknesses.

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