When discussing the performance afterwards, Pot said he was “as surprised as everyone else,” adding, “My birthday’s in May, so it wasn’t even necessary.”
“Right now, he’s just waiting for more details about the proposed arrangement–e.g., will they be sharing a bathroom? And does Mahmoud own an Xbox?”
“We believe that, to do this, our force must interact with the public at highest linguistic levels. They should communicate clearly—but also beautifully, with language worthy of their post.”
Instant polling suggests that Americans largely approve of the president’s new Sit on Our Asses and Let the Planet Boil initiative, with over 70% of respondents admitting that they “always planned on just sitting on [their] ass anyway.”
“If a woman is raped… We have hospital emergency rooms,” insisted Laubenberg from her seat in the State Capitol. “We have funded what’s called rape kits that will help the woman, basically clean her out. And then hopefully that will alleviate that.”
“Knock, knock. Who’s there? George Zimmerman. George Zimmerman who?” West said. “Alright, good, you’re on the jury.”
Survivors of Gandolfini include a wife, two children, a pair of sisters and the hope that David Chase will return to television.
President Obama closed his speech with a final, desperate attempt to win back the German nation’s love: “What if I made techno the official music of the United States? I’ll blast it from every street corner—will that help you forgive me?”