“This is the worst thing to ever happen in New York City history.” Said recent NYC transplant and Australian native, Danny Gutiero, “I can’t believe any of us survived.”
Continued Rumsfeld, “These circumstances were a complete unknown at the time we were waging the original offensive in Iraq. But some Christmas wishes really do come true.”
Michael Crane said that for him, such proof could only come from one source. “Until my pastor says evolution is real, I will keep questioning the validity of so-called science,” Crane said. “It would be intellectually lazy to do otherwise.”
“These people have been camping out here, waiting ‘til the first. They’ve been eating like bears, so business is good, but it’s starting to smell like patchouli in here, and it’s scaring away the other customers.”
“If I wasn’t a member of Congress, no one would pay attention to this at all. Even with the dead hooker.”
“Stealing is wrong,” said company CEO Gregg Steinhafel, “but Target is a company that values ingenuity, and targeting and mining information from our point-of-sale system is pretty ingenious.”
“If they are not going to look out for our country’s representatives why should we look out for theirs?” said India’s Deputy Foreign Minister Preneet Kaur.
“I heard the reports, so I feared the worst, but sometimes it isn’t real until their LinkedIn page is gone, you know?” Pak added.