“This lawsuit is complete malarkey,” said Senator Mike Lee (R-Utah) “If the American people want laws and government, why don’t they all move to China? Seriously, go ahead America. We’ll be fine here without you.”
“In that case, someone’s gotta fix it, right? Boom! A couple of IT jobs created right there! What my critics don’t seem to get is that, either way, this is a win-win for California.”
The grassroots network of likeminded individuals, all of whom simply cannot stomach the notion of Christie occupying the White House, offers numerous reasons to support their cause.
McConnell has been so withdrawn from recent debates that some Democrats have begun referring to him as “the man who isn’t there.” However, other senators have praised his decision to hold no political opinions as smart politics.
“With this new feature, Apple will officially guarantee that nobody else uses your phone, possibly ever again. In fact, I’d be surprised if they even ask.”
“At least George only killed one person,” O’Mara said. “I mean, in Chicago, that practically makes him a Buddhist.”
“While our hearts and prayers go out to the victims and their families, we feel it would be remiss not to remind the American people of what it is that makes these catastrophes so commonplace,” said LaPierre.
“If I hadn’t been shot, the ambulance might not have come to rescue me, and I might still be wandering around Times Square, being harassed by guys trying to sell me airbrushed paintings of Al Pacino characters,” the first victim said.