newslo and humor

Robin Thicke’s Latest Video Attempts to “Get Her Back” Through Ritualized Stalking

In the new video, Thicke tells the camera, “Paula is my life. If I can’t have her, no one can.” It then immediately cuts to Thicke watching the live feed from the hidden camera in Patton’s bedroom.

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Warren Buffett To Watch NCAA Tournament Through Crystal Orb

“The picture-in-picture on this thing is the best,” said Buffett.

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Christie Vows to Do Better Job Covering Up Lies in Second Term

"I feel my office should’ve done a better job of ensuring she never had a chance to talk to the press, if you know what I mean. I’ll just leave it that.”

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Al Qaeda Apologizes for Hospital Attack, Pledges Christmas Gifts for all Yemeni Children

There's a first time for everything….

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Duck Dynasty Star’s Computer Filled with Gay Porn

“They spent a lot of time together. I’m not sure exactly what they did when they hung out, but whatever it was, Phil suddenly wanted to devour gay porn tapes like a monster,” said his friend.

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Michigan: Abortion Insurance Rates Based on Hotness

“Listen, if you want to call me or members of the legislature (of which approximately 80% are men) misogynistic, then that’s fine,” said Richardville. “But know this. Women can just as easily fight back for more affordable insurance rates."

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North Korea Deletes Facebook, LinkedIn of Purged Uncle

“I heard the reports, so I feared the worst, but sometimes it isn’t real until their LinkedIn page is gone, you know?” Pak added.

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SEC Believes It Is One BCS Championship Away From Winning The Civil War

“All the real southerners are at the University of Florida. Florida State is for northern carpet bagging profiteers. It may as well be Boston College.”

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CNN Rebranded as ‘CNN Jr.’, News for People with Limited Attention Spans

“Reliable Sources” will be replaced with “I Think I Read Something on Twitter…,” Candy Crowley will host “Schizophrenic States,” and Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” will cohost “The Situation Room” with Blitzer.

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Makers of Weight-Sensitive Morning-After Pill Say Heavier Women Don’t Have Sex Anyway

“Something isn’t adding up here,” Jefferson posited. “We didn’t even know that there were French women who weighed that much, so we’re not sure what their research is based on.”

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Putin Grants Snowden Asylum After Confirming It Would Not Look Gay

The Russian president reiterated that leaking sensitive information was “totally cool with him,” so long as Snowden didn’t engage in any “gay stuff.”

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