From prescription drugs to vacation time, a sick and tired nation looked to Santa to deliver the goods.
“Never met NM,” Kardashian tweeted. “But were a kindred spirit [sic]. We both dedicated our lives to makin’ this a better world.”
“Also, if anyone can vouch for Reverend Wright’s whereabouts during the time frame when conception would have occurred, please share. I think we’ve got him this time!”
“He’s damn right this is one of my greatest triumphs,” said Rich Ferraro, spokesman for the LGBT advocacy organization GLAAD. “That man is a cancer, and I have sworn to God and high Heaven to remove him from this Earth or die trying.”
Hamas has reportedly started to breed and train lions as suicide bombers in order to “bring unmitigated destruction to all of Israel,” according to Hamas leader and Prime Minister of the Palestinian National Authority, Ismail Haniyeh.