Mitt Romney could not be reached for comment.
“The Olympics are about different people from different cultures and different beliefs coming together to celebrate our world’s diversity and display tolerance over what we may not understand,” continued Bach. “Not about being nice to gay people.”
“To prove that neither I nor the people of Russia have anything against gay people, I plan to perform with Elton in on the world’s biggest stage.”
“If I must shake her hand,” a squeamish and slightly nauseated Putin said, “both my hand and her hand will be lathered in hand sanitizer pre and post shake. You can never be too careful about getting ‘the gay’ on you.”