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Pat Robertson Unveils Gay-Repelling Necklace

Pat Robertson Unveils Gay-Repelling Necklace 1

“Lots of people wrote in to ask how they can protect themselves from these queer, ring-toting murderers,” Robertson said Thursday. “Well, that made me realize I had to come clean about my anti-gay necklace. It’s time for the world to know.”

JPMorgan Chase to Offer Double Rewards Points for Purchases Made by Hackers 2

2 min

JPMorgan Chase to Offer Double Rewards Points for Purchases Made by Hackers

“Nothing demonstrates high levels of consumer confidence quite like the purchase of questionable big-ticket items,” claimed Dimon.

35,000 Walruses on Alaskan Shore There for Right-to-Work Laws, Sarah Palin Claims 3

1 min

35,000 Walruses on Alaskan Shore There for Right-to-Work Laws, Sarah Palin Claims

Former governor Sarah Palin insisted today that the 35,000 Walruses who have migrated to Alaska amidst falling ice levels have come for the state’s right to work law.

Justice Department to Prosecute Journalist Who Reported Leaked News of Eric Holder’s Resignation 4

2 min

Politics

Justice Department to Prosecute Journalist Who Reported Leaked News of Eric Holder’s Resignation

“Heads will roll at NPR,” Holder reportedly threatened. “If Terry Gross was behind this report, so help me God, I’ll chase her to the gates of hell!”

Chelsea Clinton's Daughter Charlotte Named NBC’s Newest Correspondent With $300,000 Salary 5

2 min

Media

Chelsea Clinton’s Daughter Charlotte Named NBC’s Newest Correspondent With $300,000 Salary

The vaunted title also puts young Charlotte in line to anchor “Meet the Press,” should Chuck Todd fail to catch up to his competitors in the ratings.

Missouri Police Wearing 'I Shoot Black People' Bracelets in Support of Darren Wilson 6

1 min

US

Missouri Police Wearing ‘I Shoot Black People’ Bracelets in Support of Darren Wilson

“But now, I get it. They all just want to shoot me,” he added. “That I can understand.”

FDA Warns That Drug Advertising Suffers From High-Testosterone 7

2 min

FDA Warns That Drug Advertising Suffers From High-Testosterone

“Sure, my wife risks growing facial hair and my children risk early puberty if they are accidentally exposed to my AndroGel, but I’m a man. I’m supposed to take unnecessary risks on behalf of my family.”

GOP Rep.: ‘ISIS Will Force the NFL to Play in Burqas If We Don't Act’ 8

2 min

Sports

GOP Rep.: ‘ISIS Will Force the NFL to Play in Burqas If We Don’t Act’

While ISIS has not specifically threatened to dress NFL players in Islamic garb during their violent messages to America, Mr. Poe sees redecorating the NFL as “ISIS’s most obvious next move.”

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