Newsman

FDA Warns That Drug Advertising Suffers From High-Testosterone

“Sure, my wife risks growing facial hair and my children risk early puberty if they are accidentally exposed to my AndroGel, but I’m a man. I’m supposed to take unnecessary risks on behalf of my family.”

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George Zimmerman Threatens to ‘Go All Trayvon’ During Road Rage Incident

“Mr. Zimmerman said he had been suspicious of the individual and wanted to ensure the safety of the neighborhood,” said the police spokesperson.

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BP, Haliburton Win Bid to Reclaim Oil Lost in 2010 Gulf Coast Spill

Well, I was out there like two days ago and you know what I saw? Dolphins swimming up to the remaining oil patches, covering their fins in black gold—that’s what! Now in the America I know, that's called theft."

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Pat Robertson Says God Wants Guns In Church

“You want to go to church to praise the Lord. You don't want to go to church to shoot people or to get shot.” he continued. “But you also want to be ready with a well-oiled AK-47 when you need it.”

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America’s Racial Tolerance at Lowest Level Since Release of ‘Thriller,’ SPLC Warns

“If these trends continue, America might find itself at ‘Off the Wall’ levels of racial harmony by the end of the decade.”

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Defense Department Admits It Thought Police Were Buying Military Equipment as Collectors’ Items

“When I first saw the pictures [of the police in Ferguson wearing military armor], I assumed this was in Afghanistan or the Ukraine or something,” admitted Work.

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Bill O’Reilly Warns That Supreme Court is One Liberal Justice Away From Forced Abortions

“One more liberal justice,” he repeated, shaking his head in horror. “Just one more liberal Supreme Court justice and freedom dies.”

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After Anthrax Scare, CDC Cafeteria Bans Powdered Sugar

Other things banned from the CDC cafeteria include powdered donuts, evaporated milk, flour and pure cocaine.

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Blogs
US

Four Ways Harley-Davidson’s Electric Motorcycle Will Destroy America

Let’s face it. With this bike, Harley-Davidson is turning thousands of us into transsexuals. Because everyone knows: No combustion engine means no penis, literally.

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Scientists Develop Way of Teleporting Real Information Into Textbooks, Bypassing Texas Bd. of Education

“This could change the game,” he adds. “The Texas Board of Education would have no power to indoctrinate students with invalid information.”

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NNTS: Fox ‘expert’ links Bowe Bergdahl’s ballet dancing to Obama’s lack of ‘Americanism

“And this swap — somebody who may not feel very American for five people who definitely don’t — is symptomatic of that. It was bound to happen when you have a leader that doesn’t affiliate with patriotism.”

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DEA Chief Accuses Obama of Ongoing Drug Use

“That was when I knew,” said Leonhart. “This president cannot lead us to victory in the War on Drugs because this president is a double agent working for the drugs. "

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NRA Claims Smart Guns Discriminate Against Less Intelligent Gun Owners

Cox also questioned the practicality of smart gun technology. “What if you’re at your buddy’s house and a rapist comes in? You grab your buddy’s gun but it doesn’t fire and you get raped? How is that smart?”

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#NNTS: NH lawmaker: Women deserve less pay because they don’t work hard like men

“Men, by and large, make more because some of the things that they do,” he opined. “Their jobs are, by and large, riskier. They don’t mind working nights and weekends. They don’t mind working overtime or outdoors.”

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Mississippi Senate Candidate Makes Bold Promise: ‘I Ain’t Paying Taxes’ for Reparations

But maybe he electoral chances aren’t as promising as we thought. Because seriously: How many Mississippians will vote for a candidate who seems that fond of Mexicans?

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Politics

Mike Huckabee: America Could Learn from North Korea

“As they say: Better to let people starve in freedom than enslave them with food stamps,” Huckabee added.

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North Korea Fires More Missiles in Decades-Long Conflict With Sea of Japan

When Kim Jong Un took control of the country, many in the CIA expected him to cease hostilities with the Sea of Japan.

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Politics

Politics

GOP Looks to Broaden Base by Running Registered Sex Offender

“We’ve already had people like Nixon and Schwarzenegger running the state,” noted San Diego resident Kim Barclay. “I think California will survive a pro-rape administration.”

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FDA Warns That Drug Advertising Suffers From High-Testosterone

George Zimmerman Threatens to ‘Go All Trayvon’ During Road Rage Incident

BP, Haliburton Win Bid to Reclaim Oil Lost in 2010 Gulf Coast Spill

Pat Robertson Says God Wants Guns In Church

America’s Racial Tolerance at Lowest Level Since Release of ‘Thriller,’ SPLC Warns

Defense Department Admits It Thought Police Were Buying Military Equipment as Collectors’ Items

Bill O’Reilly Warns That Supreme Court is One Liberal Justice Away From Forced Abortions

After Anthrax Scare, CDC Cafeteria Bans Powdered Sugar

Four Ways Harley-Davidson’s Electric Motorcycle Will Destroy America

Scientists Develop Way of Teleporting Real Information Into Textbooks, Bypassing Texas Bd. of Education

NNTS: Fox ‘expert’ links Bowe Bergdahl’s ballet dancing to Obama’s lack of ‘Americanism

DEA Chief Accuses Obama of Ongoing Drug Use

NRA Claims Smart Guns Discriminate Against Less Intelligent Gun Owners

#NNTS: NH lawmaker: Women deserve less pay because they don’t work hard like men

Mississippi Senate Candidate Makes Bold Promise: ‘I Ain’t Paying Taxes’ for Reparations

Mike Huckabee: America Could Learn from North Korea

North Korea Fires More Missiles in Decades-Long Conflict With Sea of Japan

Poll Numbers Place Huckabee at Head of Pack Vying to Lose to Hillary in 2016

Report: Christie’s Parents Assure N.J. Governor is a ‘Good Boy’

Cosmos Host Admits Bible is More Scientific Than Science

Cash-Strapped Pentagon Asks Iran to Build Nuclear Aircraft Carrier for US

Amazing Parody Shows What Hollywood Auditions are like for Women of Color

Hawaii’s Prostitutes Demand Hazard Pay for Sleeping with Undercover Cops

GOP Looks to Broaden Base by Running Registered Sex Offender