Newsman Archives

FDA Warns That Drug Advertising Suffers From High-Testosterone

“Sure, my wife risks growing facial hair and my children risk early puberty if they are accidentally exposed to my AndroGel, but I’m a man. I’m supposed to take unnecessary risks on behalf of my family.”

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George Zimmerman Threatens to ‘Go All Trayvon’ During Road Rage Incident 2

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2 min

George Zimmerman Threatens to ‘Go All Trayvon’ During Road Rage Incident

“Mr. Zimmerman said he had been suspicious of the individual and wanted to ensure the safety of the neighborhood,” said the police spokesperson.

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BP, Haliburton Win Bid to Reclaim Oil Lost in 2010 Gulf Coast Spill 3

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2 min

BP, Haliburton Win Bid to Reclaim Oil Lost in 2010 Gulf Coast Spill

Well, I was out there like two days ago and you know what I saw? Dolphins swimming up to the remaining oil patches, covering their fins in black gold—that’s what! Now in the America I know, that's called theft."

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Pat Robertson Says God Wants Guns In Church 4

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2 min

Pat Robertson Says God Wants Guns In Church

“You want to go to church to praise the Lord. You don't want to go to church to shoot people or to get shot.” he continued. “But you also want to be ready with a well-oiled AK-47 when you need it.”

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America’s Racial Tolerance at Lowest Level Since Release of ‘Thriller,’ SPLC Warns 5

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2 min

America’s Racial Tolerance at Lowest Level Since Release of ‘Thriller,’ SPLC Warns

“If these trends continue, America might find itself at ‘Off the Wall’ levels of racial harmony by the end of the decade.”

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Defense Department Admits It Thought Police Were Buying Military Equipment as Collectors’ Items 6

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2 min

Defense Department Admits It Thought Police Were Buying Military Equipment as Collectors’ Items

“When I first saw the pictures [of the police in Ferguson wearing military armor], I assumed this was in Afghanistan or the Ukraine or something,” admitted Work.

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