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Posts by tag

Newsman

35 posts
  • Today's Headlines
  • US

FDA Warns That Drug Advertising Suffers From High-Testosterone

  • September 24, 2014
  • News Lo
“Sure, my wife risks growing facial hair and my children risk early puberty if they are accidentally exposed to my AndroGel, but I’m a man. I’m supposed to take unnecessary risks on behalf of my family.”
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  • Today's Headlines
  • US

George Zimmerman Threatens to ‘Go All Trayvon’ During Road Rage Incident

  • September 13, 2014
  • News Lo
George Zimmerman
“Mr. Zimmerman said he had been suspicious of the individual and wanted to ensure the safety of the neighborhood,” said the police spokesperson.
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  • Today's Headlines
  • US

BP, Haliburton Win Bid to Reclaim Oil Lost in 2010 Gulf Coast Spill

  • September 12, 2014
  • News Lo
Well, I was out there like two days ago and you know what I saw? Dolphins swimming up to the remaining oil patches, covering their fins in black gold—that’s what! Now in the America I know, that's called theft."
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  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Pat Robertson Says God Wants Guns In Church

  • September 11, 2014
  • News Lo
pat robertson
“You want to go to church to praise the Lord. You don't want to go to church to shoot people or to get shot.” he continued. “But you also want to be ready with a well-oiled AK-47 when you need it.”
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  • Entertainment
  • Today's Headlines

America’s Racial Tolerance at Lowest Level Since Release of ‘Thriller,’ SPLC Warns

  • August 20, 2014
  • News Lo
“If these trends continue, America might find itself at ‘Off the Wall’ levels of racial harmony by the end of the decade.”
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  • DC
  • Today's Headlines

Defense Department Admits It Thought Police Were Buying Military Equipment as Collectors’ Items

  • August 17, 2014
  • News Lo
“When I first saw the pictures [of the police in Ferguson wearing military armor], I assumed this was in Afghanistan or the Ukraine or something,” admitted Work.
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  • Media
  • Today's Headlines

Bill O’Reilly Warns That Supreme Court is One Liberal Justice Away From Forced Abortions

  • July 1, 2014
  • News Lo
“One more liberal justice,” he repeated, shaking his head in horror. “Just one more liberal Supreme Court justice and freedom dies.”
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  • US

After Anthrax Scare, CDC Cafeteria Bans Powdered Sugar

  • July 1, 2014
  • News Lo
CDC
Other things banned from the CDC cafeteria include powdered donuts, evaporated milk, flour and pure cocaine.
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  • Blogs
  • US

Four Ways Harley-Davidson’s Electric Motorcycle Will Destroy America

  • June 20, 2014
  • News Lo
Let’s face it. With this bike, Harley-Davidson is turning thousands of us into transsexuals. Because everyone knows: No combustion engine means no penis, literally.
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  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Scientists Develop Way of Teleporting Real Information Into Textbooks, Bypassing Texas Bd. of Education

  • June 6, 2014
  • News Lo
“This could change the game,” he adds. “The Texas Board of Education would have no power to indoctrinate students with invalid information.”
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  • NoNeedToSatirize
  • Today's Headlines

NNTS: Fox ‘expert’ links Bowe Bergdahl’s ballet dancing to Obama’s lack of ‘Americanism

  • June 4, 2014
  • News Lo
“And this swap — somebody who may not feel very American for five people who definitely don’t — is symptomatic of that. It was bound to happen when you have a leader that doesn’t affiliate with patriotism.”
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  • Politics
  • Today's Headlines

DEA Chief Accuses Obama of Ongoing Drug Use

  • May 7, 2014
  • News Lo
“That was when I knew,” said Leonhart. “This president cannot lead us to victory in the War on Drugs because this president is a double agent working for the drugs. "
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  • US

NRA Claims Smart Guns Discriminate Against Less Intelligent Gun Owners

  • May 5, 2014
  • News Lo
Wayne LaPierre
Cox also questioned the practicality of smart gun technology. “What if you’re at your buddy’s house and a rapist comes in? You grab your buddy’s gun but it doesn’t fire and you get raped? How is that smart?”
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  • NoNeedToSatirize
  • Today's Headlines

#NNTS: NH lawmaker: Women deserve less pay because they don’t work hard like men

  • April 24, 2014
  • News Lo
“Men, by and large, make more because some of the things that they do,” he opined. “Their jobs are, by and large, riskier. They don’t mind working nights and weekends. They don’t mind working overtime or outdoors.”
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  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Mississippi Senate Candidate Makes Bold Promise: ‘I Ain’t Paying Taxes’ for Reparations

  • April 14, 2014
  • News Lo
But maybe he electoral chances aren’t as promising as we thought. Because seriously: How many Mississippians will vote for a candidate who seems that fond of Mexicans?
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  • Politics

Mike Huckabee: America Could Learn from North Korea

  • April 13, 2014
  • News Lo
“As they say: Better to let people starve in freedom than enslave them with food stamps,” Huckabee added.
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  • Today's Headlines
  • World

North Korea Fires More Missiles in Decades-Long Conflict With Sea of Japan

  • April 1, 2014
  • News Lo
When Kim Jong Un took control of the country, many in the CIA expected him to cease hostilities with the Sea of Japan.
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  • Politics

Poll Numbers Place Huckabee at Head of Pack Vying to Lose to Hillary in 2016

  • April 1, 2014
  • News Lo
“Hey, losing in the 2008 primaries to John McCain didn’t faze me,” Huckabee reportedly told House Republicans. “I think I’m ready to lose on the big stage, in a general election.”
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  • US

Report: Christie’s Parents Assure N.J. Governor is a ‘Good Boy’

  • March 30, 2014
  • News Lo
“Our baby boy loves his home state,” claimed Christie’s mother, “almost as much as he loves Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina, and Nevada.”
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  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Cosmos Host Admits Bible is More Scientific Than Science

  • March 26, 2014
  • News Lo
Dr Neil deGrasse Tyson
Comfort approached Tyson to educate the celebrated scientist after an episode of “Cosmos” stated that one could not use the Bible as a scientific source, because no scripture-based theory had ever been scientifically proven.
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  • Politics
  • Today's Headlines

Cash-Strapped Pentagon Asks Iran to Build Nuclear Aircraft Carrier for US

  • March 26, 2014
  • News Lo
“Tough, tough choices are coming here,” Hagel briefed a House committee. “You’re going to have to help us make them. There isn’t any way around it.”
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  • Entertainment
  • Today's Headlines
  • Video

Amazing Parody Shows What Hollywood Auditions are like for Women of Color

  • March 26, 2014
  • News Lo
The only video to watch today…...
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  • US

Hawaii’s Prostitutes Demand Hazard Pay for Sleeping with Undercover Cops

  • March 24, 2014
  • News Lo
Without the provision, a representative for the police department warned, “We’d probably have to completely renegotiate the vice squad’s benefit package, which would be a real nightmare.”
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  • Politics

GOP Looks to Broaden Base by Running Registered Sex Offender

  • March 24, 2014
  • News Lo
CDC
“We’ve already had people like Nixon and Schwarzenegger running the state,” noted San Diego resident Kim Barclay. “I think California will survive a pro-rape administration.”
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