GOP Appeals to Prisoners to Lock Up the Vote
Sen. Rob Portman of Ohio described the situation as, “A jailbird in the GOP’s hand is worth two in a cell.”
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Video: Obama Sits Down with Zach Galifianakis
Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: President Barack Obama from President Barack Obama
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Kerry Kennedy Acquitted after Using “But I’m a Kennedy” Defense
“It was a slam dunk case,” explained one of Kennedy’s lawyers, Gerald B. Lefcourt, “American law is very clear: Kennedys cannot go to jail.”
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#NNTS: George Will: It’s ‘not neighborly’ for LGBT people to ask for equal rights
“It’s not neighborly and it’s not nice,” he added. “The gay rights movement is winning. They should be, as I say, not sore winners.”
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#NNTS: Maine Republican regrets saying men should rape women if abortion is legal
“At least the rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom doesn’t (in most cases) result in anyone’s death.”
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Egyptian Military Claims to Have Cured AIDS Through Prayer and Leeches
"I will take the AIDS from the patient and I will nourish the patient on the AIDS treatment. I will give it to him like a skewer of Kofta to nourish him," said Abdel-Atti.
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#NNTS: Texas police defend DUI arrest of black man who blew 0.00 on Breathalyzer
Police in Texas are standing by their drunken driving arrest of a man whose Breathalyzer and blood tests showed no evidence of intoxication.
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Gay SEC Football Player, Snow Heralded by Georgia as Signs of Christ’s Imminent Return
“First snow cometh to the land of Georgia, and now a homo hath played football in the SEC,” noted Gary Gladwell, 49, a Canton Biblical scholar. “It’s as the good book foretold—we are near the end of days.”
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Morrissey Devastated to Discover Memoir’s U.S. Edition Printed on Animal Skins
“And seriously, animal skins? Who does that?” Karnes added. “I can only imagine it cost the American publisher a fortune to bind and distribute tens of thousands of pages of … of hide. But why?”
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Hoping for Turnaround, Microsoft Names Steve Jobs Its New CEO
Bill Gates, Microsoft’s co-founder and current chairman, noted that “Steve Jobs was never one to let adversity hamper his creativity. Being dead is, without a doubt, a major hurdle, but it’s something that the board of directors is confident Jobs can overcome.”
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Egyptian Raids Fail to Yield Any Panties
No witnesses reported seeing authorities cart away boxes – or even handfuls – of activists’ panties.
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