No Need To Satirize

NoNeedToSatirize

#NoNeedToSatirize San Diego Republican accused of openly masturbating in men’s restroom

“San Diego has been given a fresh start,” he said in a statement. “Now is the time to put aside partisan differences to seek healing, foster unity and restore stability at City Hall.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Texas Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst calls 911 to pressure police to release jailed relative

“What I would like to do is if you would explain to me, sergeant, what I would need to do to arrange for getting her out of jail this evening,” he said. “You can proceed with whatever you think is proper.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Santorum: Liberals ‘make it uncomfortable’ to shower at the YMCA

“They make it uncomfortable for students who come to Austin to shower at a young men’s Christian association YMCA gym.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize:Republican rep.: Obamacare ‘racist’ because white people use tanning beds

Rep. Ted Yoho (R-FL) recently told a group of constituents that he backing a birther bill because he hoped that it would “get rid of everything” that President Barack Obama…

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Nugent: ‘People who hate Ted Nugent hate freedom.’

“People who hate Ted Nugent hate freedom,” the rocker alleged. “Trayvon got justice.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: O’Reilly: Blacks need ‘peer pressure’ more than sex education and contraception

“Why don’t we just have the Good Humor man have contraception on the ice cream truck?” O’Reilly wondered.

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#NoNeedToSatirize: The ‘high-value detainees’ at Guantanamo love Fifty Shades of Grey

"The book that is requested most by the [high-value detainees] is Fifty Shades of Grey. They’ve read the entire series in English, but we were willing to translate it.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Gohmert likens minorities to prairie chickens and ‘various lizards’

“standing up for the rights of race, religion, national religion of the Delta Smelt, the snail darter, various lizards, the lesser prairie chicken, the greater sage grouse and so many other insects who would want someone standing for their religion, their race, their national origin and I think that’s wonderful,” Gohmert quipped.

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#NoNeedToSatirize: National Review: Stay Away from Black Men (Again)

Finally, Hanson laments, “I expect that my son already has his own warnings prepared to pass on to his own future children.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Florida Gators Linebacker Arrested for Barking At Police Dog

“Based on the initial report, I have to question the sufficiency of the evidence to constitute a crime,” Florida State Attorney Bill Cervone told the Gainesville Sun. “Simply barking at a dog may not be enough.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: GOP chairman: I don’t really care for the word tolerance

“I don’t know if I’ve used the word ‘tolerance,’ I don’t really care for that word myself,” he told the Christian Broadcasting Network

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Limbaugh: ‘It’s preposterous that Caucasians are blamed for slavery’

“If any race of people should not have guilt about slavery, it’s Caucasians. The white race has probably had fewer slaves and for a briefer period of time than any other in the history of the world.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Ted Cruz: A path to citizenship is ‘profoundly unfair’

Cruz, who was visiting Iowa at the time, also told Karl that he considered himself a U.S. citizen by birth and eligible to run for president — even though he was born in Canada — because his mother was a U.S. citizen.

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Tennessee lawyer sues Apple because Internet porn ‘destroyed his marriage’

Sevier said that when a typing error led him to “Fuckbook.com” rather than Facebook, he was overtaken with the eroticism of the images and films he found there and that he became addicted to Internet pornography, causing difficulty in his marriage.

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Texas Senate confiscates tampons while debating anti-abortion bill

“We’re going to have strict enforcement,” Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst (R) told the AP. “If there are any demonstrations, we are going to clear the gallery.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Geraldo Rivera: Jury would have shot Trayvon ‘a lot sooner than George Zimmerman’

"How would the ladies of the jury have that have reacted? I submit that if they were armed, that they would have shot and killed Trayvon Martin a lot sooner than George Zimmerman did."

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Gohmert repeatedly shouts ‘Objection!’ to silence critics

OBJECTION!

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#NoNeedToSatirize: O’Reilly claims some Texas women get abortions because of hand sprains

Fox News host Bill O’Reilly claimed on his show Wednesday that abortion regulations are so lax in Texas that some women get abortions because they’ve sprained a hand.

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Conservatives cite ‘neutrality regarding religion’ memo as proof of military’s hostility to Christianity

“The examples presented above should give us great concern that we have entered a period in which members of the armed services are being subjected to speech codes and restrictions on the free exercise of religion.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Tucker Carlson: ‘Cheap student loans keep people out of the labor market’

"The president has been buying lower unemployment rates by essentially providing very cheap student loans and keeping people out of the labor market.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Fox News host: Not using God to sell beer means ‘the terrorists have won’

“When political correctness takes over the beer advertising industry, the terrorists have won,” said Watters, who is better known for his job as a producer on Bill O’Reilly’s Fox News show. “I mean, this is absolutely outrageous!”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Nugent’s 2016 slogan: ‘I have 9 children from 7 women, and I’m running for president’

“Hi, I’m Ted Nugent. I have nine children from seven women, and I’m running for president.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Glenn Beck still pretty sure Obamacare the work of Satan

“It’s too late to fix it!” he said of the Affordable Care Act. “There will be no choice. Our country, our business, our doctors, our hospitals, will be in total chaos.”

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#NoNeedToSatirize: Tucker Carlson: The black market is a ‘far more efficient system’ for health care

“Which would be a far more efficient system, by the way,” Carlson declared.

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