‘North Korea’ Revealed to Be Low-Budget Action Film

PYONGYANG – In what U.S. officials are calling a major correction, but many cinephiles are hailing as a terrific tour de force, “North Korea” was found this week to be nothing more than a low-budget action film. “Oh – well … oh,” Secretary of State John Kerry reportedly said upon learning the news. “That certainly changes things. I mean – I suppose…

North Korean Missile Heads Off Course, Hits Carnival Cruise Ship

SAN FRANSICO, Calif. – Things just aren’t looking up for Carnival Cruise Lines. After the engine failures that immobilized both the Triumph and the Legend, and the dock failure accident in which Carnival Triumph was set adrift into the Gulf of Mexico, Carnival Cruise Lines is now reporting that another ship, the Miracle, has been utterly destroyed by North Korea. “We believe…

Dennis Rodman-Kim Jong-un Friendship Based on Mutual Love of Denying Reality

WASHINGTON — Following his high-profile visit with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, Dennis Rodman has confirmed that the two men have founded a caring, platonic relationship based on disregarding what most would agree constitutes reality. Rodman, who followed up playing on the Chicago Bulls with Michael Jordan by wearing a bridal gown, attended a Harlem Globetrotters game in North Korea with Kim.…

Pentagon: “North Korea Just Asking for Democracy”

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WASHINGTON — After a North Korean diplomat threatened South Korea with “final destruction” during the United Nations Conference on Disarmament on Tuesday, U.S. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta told reporters that the increasingly provocative nation is “just begging for some democracy.” Specifically, North Korean diplomat Jon Yong Ryong told the meeting, “As the saying goes, a newborn puppy knows no fear of…

Google Maps North Korean Gulags, Fails to Highlight Escape Routes

PYONGYANG — In an historic move, Google has finally documented the villages, highways, and prison camps of the world’s most secretive nation, but somehow neglected to include the country’s most important and sought-after map feature: escape routes. Following a visit to the North Korean capital by Google chairman Eric E. Schmidt early in January, a country that has historically remained largely uncharted…