“The only way to stop a 9-year-old with an Uzi is an 8-year-old with a bazooka,” wrote Wayne LaPierre, executive vice president of the NRA and a youngest child.
“If ‘smart’ means even the slightest restriction or inconvenience, we at the NRA will side with dumb every time,” LaPierre added.
“It’s better if we just don’t talk about it,” he added.
Cox also questioned the practicality of smart gun technology. “What if you’re at your buddy’s house and a rapist comes in? You grab your buddy’s gun but it doesn’t fire and you get raped? How is that smart?”
“Heck, the Manchin-Toomey bill was ridiculously popular, but they held firm and voted against it. So we’re thanking them by giving them guns.”
The NRA is dead set against allowing the proposal to pass. Its newsletter, “Silver Barrels,” warns of a government plot to limit artistic freedom.
“If a corporation has something in its background it doesn’t want discovered, it can go buy a gun anonymously at a gun show like everybody else.”
Congratulations to all the NRA’s scholarship winners! You really know how to keep your deep-pocketed constituents happy.
“This harmless shooting is further proof that guns are not as dangerous as the media wants the public to believe,” stated NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre, who earlier this year urged the nation’s schools to hire armed guards to keep children safe from violent intruders.
PHOENIX — Arizona Governor Jan Brewer on Monday signed legislation saving the lives of thousands of guns removed from the state’s streets through municipal buy-back programs. Instead of destroying the innocent firearms in a symbolic, if graphic, statement against gun violence, towns and villages across the state are now required by law to resell the guns, ensuring that the firearms have a…
WASHINGTON — In the wake of last week’s defeat of a bipartisan, widely popular gun regulation bill, NRA Vice President Wayne LaPierre released a statement claiming that the only reason gun control advocates tried to pass tougher gun laws was because either they or someone they love had been a victim of gun violence, or because they had an aversion to seeing innocent…
FAIRFAX, Va. — Citing the dubious fact that “a person can drown in a teaspoon of water,” Executive Vice President of the NRA Wayne LaPierre today announced the launch of his organization’s “Outlaw the Oceans” campaign, which contends that any restrictions on the ability to purchase any firearm is equivalent to banning the consumption or use of water. The ironical campaign follows…
WASHINGTON — Earlier today Vice President Joe Biden, the head of President Obama’s gun control task force, presented the President with the task force’s official findings- an idea on how to stop gun violence in America. Satisfied, President Obama announced that the gun control task force’s job is done congratulated Biden on a job well done. “The American people asked us in…
WASHINGTON — Citing a lack of advocacy or interest toward domestic abuse and violence against women, President of the NRA, David Keene announced the introduction of a new “Guns for Girls” program targeted at addressing this issue. Shocked by the fact that 1/3 of women in the world will experience some form of violence during their lives, the NRA, largely considered one…
BROOKFIELD, Wis. — In the wake of tragic shootings in Colorado and Wisconsin there’s been a lot of talk about the need to pass new gun control laws, particularly those meant to restrict private citizens from possessing automatic weapons, high capacity magazines, and surface-to-air missiles. But the National Rifle Association (NRA) denies that restricting firearms ownership is the solution. Instead, the pro-gun…
FAIRFAX, Va. — Local sources have confirmed that the National Rifle Association’s vice president, Wayne LaPierre, has been sitting up all night in his unlocked Virginia house waiting for an intruder to break in so he can blast him to pieces with his machine gun. “I have a right to protect my home and property,” said LaPierre in a statement. “Plus I’d…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After a summer of tragic and disturbing domestic mass shootings, a bipartisan effort on Capitol Hill has led to the announcement that Congress will not act immediately on gun control laws, but will wait until, in the words of one congressional aide, a new “death quota is filled.” A congressional committee has been formed, including Reps. Joe Wilson (R-SC) and…