“I could have sworn I was in New York City and was on my way to meet that prick of a mayor”
“If the people start noticing a decrease in crime in NYC, they’ll know it’s because the NYPD has stopped arresting blacks altogether”
“The fact is that it’s a simple misunderstanding. As part of our attempt to build stronger relations with the community, we’ve begun offering free abortions to women who couldn’t afford them otherwise.”
A source told Newslo that the initiative was originally called “Kill, Just Kill,” but was later changed so as to better reflect the program’s mission: “Keeping You Safe by Killing Just a Few of You.”
“It’s great community outreach, any way you look at it,” added Finley.
“If I hadn’t been shot, the ambulance might not have come to rescue me, and I might still be wandering around Times Square, being harassed by guys trying to sell me airbrushed paintings of Al Pacino characters,” the first victim said.
At a press conference detailing the largest gun bust in the history of New York City, Mayor Bloomberg was delighted to describe how the whole thing had come about thanks to Instagram.
“We believe that, to do this, our force must interact with the public at highest linguistic levels. They should communicate clearly—but also beautifully, with language worthy of their post.”
NEW YORK — The New York City Parks and Recreation Department confirmed that anyone wishing to make use of dark, ill-constructed boxes full of human waste at public events must now submit to a bag check. In an email sent to Gothamist, Parks Department spokeswoman Tara Kiernan said, “These are added security measures being implemented by the city and event organizers in the…
NEW YORK — The NYPD is making the case for its controversial “stop-and-pepper-spray-a-baby” program, which is the subject of a recent lawsuit. Speaking on Wednesday during the annual convention of the National Action Network—Rev. Al Sharpton’s civil rights organization—Police Commissioner Ray Kelly addressed the issue personally. “’Stop-and-pepper-spray-a-baby’ has been one of our most effective crime prevention strategies,” Kelly argued. “Our officers have…
NEW YORK — Get ready New York City because the NYPD may be frisking you and invading your privacy without you even knowing it. With the help of new infrared scanning technology, New York City Police Officers are now able to routinely search a person’s pockets without their knowledge or permission from the comfort of their patrol car, coffee shop, or massage…