“I could have sworn I was in New York City and was on my way to meet that prick of a mayor”
“If the people start noticing a decrease in crime in NYC, they’ll know it’s because the NYPD has stopped arresting blacks altogether”
“The fact is that it’s a simple misunderstanding. As part of our attempt to build stronger relations with the community, we’ve begun offering free abortions to women who couldn’t afford them otherwise.”
A source told Newslo that the initiative was originally called “Kill, Just Kill,” but was later changed so as to better reflect the program’s mission: “Keeping You Safe by Killing Just a Few of You.”
“It’s great community outreach, any way you look at it,” added Finley.
“If I hadn’t been shot, the ambulance might not have come to rescue me, and I might still be wandering around Times Square, being harassed by guys trying to sell me airbrushed paintings of Al Pacino characters,” the first victim said.
At a press conference detailing the largest gun bust in the history of New York City, Mayor Bloomberg was delighted to describe how the whole thing had come about thanks to Instagram.
“We believe that, to do this, our force must interact with the public at highest linguistic levels. They should communicate clearly—but also beautifully, with language worthy of their post.”