“I admire your courage to step forward”
“I have a strange feeling that allowing him to run is going to come back and bite me in the ass”
“Are we seriously going to allow our children and grandchildren to be in a position where they’re expected to vote for a Hispanic president?!”
“I won’t stand for being accused of something I’m not responsible of”
“I really think that the first thing he should do after he steps down in 2016 is go to the nearest strip club”
“The news caught him off guard, and he appeared very shocked, at first”
“There is nothing more I can do, except get out on the streets and beg”
“Imagine what would happen if we were to let our guard down in such a perilous time”
“Where did I go wrong?”
“Anybody in their right mind can find the insurmountable flaws latent in President Obama’s proposed strategy against ISIS, even those of us who haven’t yet heard the proposed strategy.”
“We might as well throw open the borders, double Obamacare’s funding, and elect a gay Muslim to the White House.”
“Hell, Pakistan is supposedly one of our friends, and I spend half my time ordering drone strikes on their soil. So I’m done picking favorites. Let the marketplace decide. Republicans should love that line, by the by.”
“I got to go. Just remember America, it’s a secret. So don’t Retweet this or anything.”
There has been no official statement from the gilled community. When Newslo went into the ocean to collect interviews, the fish we came in contact with opened and closed their mouths rapidly.
The president also expressed concerns that, once independent, the U.S. risks seeing Scotland develop into “[o]ne of those human rights-obsessed headaches like Iceland or Sweden.”
When questioned about the current state of the war, President Obama giggled and asked if there was a new “Call of Duty” game available.
“That was when I knew,” said Leonhart. “This president cannot lead us to victory in the War on Drugs because this president is a double agent working for the drugs. “
Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: President Barack Obama from President Barack Obama
“Some members of Congress already do smoke. You think Susan Collins is such a great leader because she’s just a good gal? Check in the hidden compartment in her car, and you’ll find the real source of all that poise and reason.”
“The person is described as a black man,” the article continued. “If anyone has information he or she is asked to contact Deputy J.D. Morgan at 304-291-7200.”
“Although President Obama is certainly not the Antichrist, his policies are paving the way for the Antichrist,” wrote Jeffress in a press release for the book.
Assuring the nation that the problematic rollout of the Affordable Care Act “will not be another Windows Vista” has proven difficult for DelBene, who has attempted to sweeten the deal by adding extra perks to the package of benefits.
“May this… be the beginning of the end of the US aggressions,” read a message on the Cuban government’s official website.
So Onyango Okech Obama was dumbfounded when he received a curt request from White House Press Secretary Jay Carney to “politely self-deport back to Kenya so as not to create yet another headache for B.O.”