Pakistani Radicals Apologize for Protesting “Innocence of Muslims” Instead of Katherine Heigl Films

KARACHI, Pakistan — “’Innocence of Muslims’ was blasphemous but ’27 Dresses’ is heresy so grave that it makes American homosexuality seem pious,” said a street protestor in Karachi upon being informed that Katherine Heigl was in fact still making movies. “I mean she did not completely ruin ‘Knocked Up’ but everything she has been in afterwards has been atrocious.” It is unclear…

CIA Employee Mistakes Drone Operation For “Call Of Duty,” Kills Pakistani Family

LANGLEY, Va. — Michael Hudson, a 5-year veteran of the CIA, has admitted to accidentally killing four Pakistani civilians with the drone he operates. Believing his computer was open to the popular video game “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3,” Hudson emptied his avatar’s arsenal into a desert battlefield. Only hours later did he realize that his computer was not displaying the…