“It would reduce pressure on the already tense relationship between white people and the black community”
“Worrying about terrorists and murderers is an act of lunacy, so I guess you know what that makes Andrea Mitchell then!”
Former governor Sarah Palin insisted today that the 35,000 Walruses who have migrated to Alaska amidst falling ice levels have come for the state’s right to work law.
“Everything Fox has told me to say, I’ve said. I think it’s high time they gave me a TV show where I can parrot their views and actually make a profit.”
“I just wanted the media to stop treating me like an airheaded bimbo,” said a distraught Palin, “and I figured making one of my predictions come true was a good place to start.”
“Miley Cyrus quit acting as Hannah Montana, Ted Cruz quit his filibuster and Edward Snowden quit America. These are people who are much easier to understand than some stay-in-the-job guy like Pope Francis seems to be.”
“More specifically, my tour bus,” Palin continued, “which will be driven by me, Mike Lee and Teddy Cruz.”
When Palin’s speaking limitations eventually became absolute in Kenosha, Wis., she realized she had to take a stand. “Nobody puts a kibosh on this pretty ol’ muzzle,” Palin remarked.