political humor

TSA to Put Knife Ban on Hold for Now, Bans on Killer Animals Still Lifted

WASHINGTON — The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has temporarily backpedaled on its decision to allow small knives on airlines, a decision which had come under much scrutiny in recent days. However,…

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World

Absence of Gaza Craigslist a “Roadblock to Peace,” Casual Encounters

GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip — Hamas today expressed outrage at Craigslist’s unwillingness to maintain a local site for their Gaza territory, calling it “a roadblock to peace in the Middle…

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Politics

Congress Passes Bill Funding Reanimation of Founding Fathers

WASHINGTON — In a historic vote on Tuesday, Congress overwhelmingly passed a bill aimed at funding attempts to reanimate such beloved Americans as Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and Benjamin Franklin…

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Politics

Congress Planning Sabbatical for 2013

WASHINGTON — Members of the House of Representatives and Senate today voted to take the year off in order to spend time with family, enroll in some online classes to…

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Sports

As Doping Scandal Unfolds, a Skeptical Public Wonders if Lance Armstrong Ever Really Had Cancer

PLANO, Texas — In the wake of Lance Armstrong’s reported admission that he used performance-enhancing drugs during his accomplished cycling career, many are left to wonder about the veracity of…

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Politics

Obama Nominates War on Terror as CIA Director

WASHINGTON — Despite attempts during his first term to disassociate himself from the Bush administration’s counterterrorist philosophies, President Obama has nominated the War on Terror as the next Director of…

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Politics

Cursing and Public Shaming Viewed as Step Up in Political Discourse

WASHINGTON – Last week marked perhaps one of the most acrimonious weeks in political discourse the United States has seen in years. Following Chris Christie’s public shaming of Congress, and…

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Politics

Governor Christie and Mayor Booker to Force More of Themselves on Everyone in 2013

TRENTON, N.J. — New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and Newark Mayor Cory Booker both plan on rolling out new brand initiatives in 2013 that will continue to push both politicians…

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Politics

Congress Plans to Begin Debt Ceiling Negotiations One Hour Before Deadline

WASHINGTON — In a joint statement, Speaker of the House John Boehner and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid today announced that both chambers of Congress will begin debating and negotiating…

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Politics

GOP Show Sympathetic Side with Billionaire Relief Bill

WASHINGTON – After receiving negative press as well as rebukes from some of their own members over the House’s initial refusal to take up the Hurricane Sandy Relief Bill, Republican…

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NRA Counters Gun Buybacks with Assault Rifle Giveaway

LOS ANGELES – After a hugely successful one-day gun buyback event in Los Angeles saw over 2,000 firearms – including 75 assault weapons and two rocket launchers – being returned…

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Politics

God Reportedly Tells Michele Bachmann to Shut Up

WOODBURY, Minn. — Minnesota Republican Representative Michele Bachmann, famous for comparing herself to mass murderer John Wayne Gracey and for allegedly receiving all of her political positions from conversations with…

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Politics

Travelocity Offers Congress a “Fiscal Cliff Discount”

SOUTHLAKE, Texas — Taking advantage of the country’s dire financial situation along with politicians abundance of vacation time, online travel company Travelocity is offering Congress a groundbreaking promotional offer. Members…

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Blogs

Samantha Tracey’s Pissed Connections

Dear Pissed Connections, My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other just over a year. Recently she went out to a bar for her friend Amy’s birthday and came…

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Politics

Republicans and Democrats Start Grooming 2036 Candidates

WASHINGTON — “He just looks presidential” an unnamed Democratic strategist said about Henry Lopez, a 5th grader at Arlington’s Calvin Coolidge Elementary. With the 2036 election a mere 24 years…

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Politics

Obama Least Effective Terrorist-Sympathizing Communist Ever Elected President

WASHINGTON — According to analysis performed by the Presidential Library Commission, President Barack Obama is the least-effective terrorist-sympathizing communist to ever serve as chief executive. The report found that despite…

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World

Greece to Return to Classical Era

ATHENS – The Hellenic Parliament of Greece has unanimously voted to activate a time machine that will return the nation of Greece to its cultural and political zenith of 411…

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“MTV Cribs: Backpage.com’s Jim Larkin” — The House That Human Trafficking Built

PHOENIX – A special edition of the popular MTV program “Cribs” has gone inside the home of Jim Larkin, co-owner of the controversial classifieds site, Backpage.com. Despite myriad reports of…

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Conspiracy Theorists Fear Romney Victory Will Put Them Out of Business

WASHINGTON – A Newslo voter poll of conspiracy theorists shows an abrupt change in perception since the first presidential debate last week. Fervent believers in baseless theories about President Obama…

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Politics

Congress Votes to Change Definition of “Bribery”

WASHINGTON – The Senate and House of Representatives voted this morning to radically alter the legal ramifications of “bribery” in an effort to exempt themselves, major lobbyists, and corporations from…

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Politics

Undecided Voter Goes With Obama after Scarlett Johansson Endorsement

DES MOINES, Iowa – Iowa factory worker Jonathan Flagler, 30, has decided to cast his vote for Barack Obama after actress Scarlett Johansson vocally endorsed the incumbent president. Flagler had…

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Politics

“Times are Tough” Says Man Speaking to $20,000-a-Plate Crowd

ATLANTA — The nation’s crippling economic downturn has ushered in unprecedented levels of unemployment, home foreclosure, and bankruptcy. No one understands the pain of average Americans struggling with hunger, joblessness,…

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Blogs

TLC: We Love You, but Seriously?

TLC is one of the most popular networks on cable television, housing some of the most watched shows of this year and years past. But what is America really “learning”…

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Koch Brothers Re-appropriate “Stop Snitchin’” Campaign

WICHITA, Kansas — For industrial magnates Charles and David Koch, using their wealth to influence public opinion on anthropogenic global warming and the environmental impact of petroleum-based industry is nothing…

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