Special Report: Tamerlan Tsarnaev Wore Tighty-Whiteys, Had Mole on Left Ankle

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BOSTON – An investigation conducted by Newslo has uncovered the shocking and highly germane fact that Tamerlan Tsarnaev—the deceased suspect in the April 15 Boston Marathon bombings—wore tighty-whitey underwear, as opposed to boxers or boxer-briefs. Sources confirm that the elder Tsarnaev, thought to be the primary plotter of the attacks, wore the classic tighty-whiteys mostly for comfort reasons, but also because he…

North Korea Declares Total War on Sky, Clouds

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SEOUL — In a stunning move, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) has finally issued a declaration of war—not on South Korea, Japan or the United States, as some experts believed was inevitable, but rather on the clouds and sky that hang above our heads. Saying that the time has come to “liberate the eyes and minds of the North Korean…

Rogaine Backs Romney-Ryan Ticket

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NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — A spokesman for Johnson & Johnson has issued a statement claiming that Rogaine, one of its subsidiaries, has officially backed Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan. Rumors contend that the endorsement came complete with a seven-figure donation to the campaign and a lifetime supply of the hair-growth supplement. Sources within Rogaine claim that, while the company has never before…