Poll: 92% Of Americans Want Supreme Court to ‘Agree With Me And To Hell With What’s Constitutional’
“Constitution shmonstitution. The mark of a good Supreme Court justice is whether he or she agrees with me.”
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Politics
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Special Report: Tamerlan Tsarnaev Wore Tighty-Whiteys, Had Mole on Left Ankle
BOSTON – An investigation conducted by Newslo has uncovered the shocking and highly germane fact that Tamerlan Tsarnaev—the deceased suspect in the April 15 Boston Marathon bombings—wore tighty-whitey underwear, as…
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McConnell Will Work with Obama if Reid Drawn and Quartered
WASHINGTON — Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) today announced his willingness to sit down with President Obama to work on a “Grand Bargain” on budget and tax issues. The…
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North Korea Declares Total War on Sky, Clouds
SEOUL — In a stunning move, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) has finally issued a declaration of war—not on South Korea, Japan or the United States, as some…
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Kerry Argues for Constitutional Amendment Protecting ‘Right to Be Stupid’
WASHINGTON — While Secretary of State John Kerry’s admission to students in Berlin that in America “you have a right to be stupid if you want to be” was immediately…
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Romney Campaign Goes on Fact-Free Diet Until Election Day
CLEVELAND — According to sources close to the Republican nominee, the Romney campaign is going on a fact-free diet until Election Day. “We’d been trying a low-fact approach lately, but…
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Dems Push ‘Get Paid To Sit On Your Ass Act of 2014’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrat House leader Nancy Pelosi held her landmark 12,000th press conference today to unveil the controversial new congressional bill. “This is our promise to America,” Pelosi said.…
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Rogaine Backs Romney-Ryan Ticket
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — A spokesman for Johnson & Johnson has issued a statement claiming that Rogaine, one of its subsidiaries, has officially backed Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan. Rumors…
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