“I love and respect the guy, but science is science and it should not be taken lightly, especially not by men of God”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a latent homo”
I’ve no doubt that Mr. Jackson is up in heaven, moon walking on golden clouds
“I must admit that there is something special about a young altar boy wearing a robe”
Asked what percentage of Catholic priests had committed pedophelia outside of a church, Pope Francis threw up his hands. “God has not chosen to grant me that data point,” he said.
“One day he’s feeding the masses, the next he’s tying a 14 year-old girl to a chair and drenching her with Holy Water. It keeps everybody on their toes.”
“Perhaps this will open similar doors for us,” said Francis.
“They certainly wouldn’t enjoy it,” he added.
“For making ‘twerking’ into a household word, for standing up to the Taliban for women’s education, and for forcing a discussion on the balance of freedom and security, Pope Francis is Time’s 2013 Person of the Year.”
“Opening up the Church to all of God’s children is the just and moral thing to do,” Francis continued, “and I won’t be persuaded otherwise, especially by a man who couldn’t even beat Bob Dole in the ’96 Republican primaries.”
“You see, the problem with this Pope is that he is a Nazi sympathizer who hates Jesus. That’s not me saying that, that was God. His exact words to me were ‘James, Pope Francis is an atheist.”
VATICAN CITY — A week after creating his advisory board, Pope Francis is stepping in to mediate a conflict between its appointed members and God. Sources at the Vatican confirm that the mounting disagreements between the prelates and the Lord Almighty concern managerial and financial matters. The Pope created the advisory committee, made up of eight people, to counsel him in fixing…
VATICAN CITY — Just in time for Christmas, bestselling author Pope Benedict XVI is set to release “Jesus of Nazareth: The Infancy Narratives,” promising that the third volume in his widely popular “Jesus” trilogy will blow the doors off the conventional thinking behind Christmas, The Virgin Birth, and two-thousand years of Christian history. “The Good Lord knows that you must raise the…
ROME — Faced with record criticism over his mishandling of sexual abuse allegations against Catholic priests, His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI will attempt to mitigate the negativity by releasing a new DVD of hilarious, never-before-seen bloopers from Vatican City. “Cardinal Errors: Volume 1” showcases all of the slips, trips, missteps, and wacky antics that go on behind the stained glass windows at…