Sexy Frank Luntz Costume Dominates GOP Halloween Sales

NEW YORK— Since the Presidential elections are just around the corner, this Halloween promises to be even stranger than usual. Stores have reported an increasing growth in the sales of political costumes. Frank Luntz, Republican political consultant and strategist, is rapidly becoming the most popular costume of the year. Young people everywhere are rushing out to buy pounds of white makeup to…

Comedians Throw Full Support Behind Todd Akin Campaign

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JEFFERSON CITY, — Miss. Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO), best known today for his controversial comments on “legitimate rape” and other unparalleled gaffes, has received an unexpected surge in donations and support. The new vitality of the campaign, however, did not come from staunch Republicans and pro-life activists, as expected. Instead, it seems that a large network of talk shows, news outlets and…

Newt Gingrich Auctions Off Contents of His Mouth

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an attempt to stay relevant while other conservatives dominate the spotlight, former Speaker of the House and 2012 presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich has announced an unusual new business plan: he is putting his own highly expressive mouth up for sale. The often-controversial politician stated that he had “only one or two beliefs that I actually cling to.” I…

Teach The Controversy Bill Allows Teachers to Teach “Pretty Much Whatever They Feel Like”

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — A newly constructed high school in the Metropolitan Nashville Public Schools district is the first public school in the United States to embrace the Discovery Institute’s “Teach the Controversy” philosophy in its curriculum. While “Teach the Controversy” campaigners typically only challenge biology-related concepts that undermine the theory of evolution, Kirk Cameron High School’s new approach empowers teachers to teach…

Congressional Candidate Deemed Racist After “Black Friend” Refuses to Defend Him

BISMARCK, N.D. — North Dakota electoral politics are not known for their sprawling diversity, but race has recently taken a front seat in the state’s lone congressional battle. During a town hall debate Monday with Democratic challenger Tim Bennet, Republican candidate Roy McCanlis struggled to explain how his policies would lead to a more inclusive North Dakota. “That is a great question,”…

Mitt Romney Does “The Vagina Monologues” in Desperate Attempt to Court Female Vote

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CLEVELAND — In an effort to appeal to women voters, many of whom have identified Mitt Romney as “chauvinistic,” “cold,” and “sterility inducing,” the GOP presidential hopeful plans to perform pieces from “The Vagina Monologues” at upcoming campaign stops. With this highly unanticipated move, Romney expressed hopes for voters to “get a chance to see me from a different angle. A lady…