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Posts by tag

Republicans

14 posts
  • Politics
  • Today's Headlines

Honduras Grants Refugee Status to Republicans Pushing for Immigration Reform

  • July 29, 2014
  • News Lo
While the cost of screening and processing the 5,000 Hondurans expected to apply for entry to the U.S. could run up to $47 million over two years, Honduras’ intake of Republicans is anticipated to be much smaller in scale.
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  • Politics
  • Today's Headlines

Republicans Pin 2014 Hopes on Creationism

  • January 8, 2014
  • News Lo
“The country is ready to embrace creationism,” he added. “The numbers don’t lie.”
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  • Politics
  • Today's Headlines

Republican Senators Hesitate to Betray Too Much Concern for Citizens

  • October 14, 2013
  • News Lo
“It’s premature to do it right now,” said John Cornyn (Texas), the second-ranking Senate Republican. “I don’t think that these workers would feel comfortable getting paid until it’s the right time for us.”
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  • Politics
  • Today's Headlines

Republicans and Obama to Stay Together for the Sake of War

  • September 12, 2013
  • News Lo
“Whatever the issues are between the president and ourselves, there is no need to drag the war into it,” House Speaker John Boehner declared in a press conference on Friday. “The war didn’t ask to be involved in our squabbles, and we need to do what’s best for it.”
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  • Politics

Republicans Quitting Their Jobs to Screw Up ‘Obama’s Economy’

  • June 17, 2013
  • News Lo
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Added Foghorn, “This is nothing. I heard a rumor that next year these people are planning on killing themselves to prove Obamacare is a disaster.”
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  • Politics

Republicans Pass “Passive-Aggressive Violence Against Women” Act

  • March 1, 2013
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON — House Republicans, gloomy in the wake of the passage of the Violence Against Women Act, quickly regained their mojo and overwhelmingly passed the “Passive-Aggressive Act Against Women Act.”…
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  • Politics

Martin Luther King, Jr. Founded the Modern GOP, Says Modern GOP

  • February 4, 2013
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON — A newly released biography of Martin Luther King Jr. penned collaboratively by prominent Republican politicians and pundits has revealed some surprising facts about the late civil rights leader’s…
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  • Politics

Romney Energizes Base with Commitment to Third Amendment Rights

  • October 10, 2012
  • News Lo
ORLANDO, Fla. — In a speech today to the Tea Party’s Constitutional Originalist Society, presidential candidate Mitt Romney affirmed his commitment to defend Third Amendment rights if elected. The $500-a-plate…
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  • Politics

Pennsylvania Passes Law Requiring Voters To Complete Scavenger Hunt Before Voting

  • October 3, 2012
  • News Lo
HARRISBURG, Penn. — In an ongoing push for stricter voter identification laws, Pennsylvania has issued a list of obscure and generally inaccessible items that Pennsylvania voters must ascertain before entering…
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  • Politics

Romney Alludes to Book Of Mormon, Nearly Gets Broadway Vote

  • September 30, 2012
  • News Lo
NEW YORK – Gay actors and theatre lovers alike rejoiced this morning when Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney was quoted as saying that his biggest inspiration in life was “absolutely,…
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  • Politics

Leaked Obama Video: “I didn’t know America took ‘Yes We Can!’ so literally”

  • September 25, 2012
  • News Lo
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretly-recorded video footage of President Obama was leaked on Friday morning, revealing the shocking truth behind the infamous “Yes We Can” and “Hope” mantras of his historic…
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  • Politics

Republicans Claim Conception Begins at First Mojito

  • September 22, 2012
  • News Lo
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican members of Congress have issued a new referendum on abortion and birth control, asserting that the conception of a child begins at first Mojito. “When you’re…
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  • Politics

Wall St. To Democrats: “Stop Treating Me Like Your Sidepiece”

  • September 22, 2012
  • News Lo
NEW YORK — Leaked late-night text messages from Wall St. to the Democratic National Committee have revealed Wall St.’s growing discontent towards liberals’ treatment of the financial community as an…
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  • Politics

Mitt Romney Does “The Vagina Monologues” in Desperate Attempt to Court Female Vote

  • September 20, 2012
  • News Lo
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CLEVELAND — In an effort to appeal to women voters, many of whom have identified Mitt Romney as “chauvinistic,” “cold,” and “sterility inducing,” the GOP presidential hopeful plans to perform…
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