Conservatives Run Out of Reasons for Sandy Hook Tragedy

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HARTFORD, Conn. – After blaming women in the workforce, the legality of emergency contraceptives and the gay couple who lived 13 miles away from the School, conservatives have officially run out of reasons to blame for the Sandy Hook Tragedy. “All tragedies are a form of God’s wrath,” explains Baptist Pastor Pete Mills. “The hard part is always figuring out what he…

NRA Calls for Stricter Journalism Control in Wake of Sandy Hook Tragedy

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FAIRFAX, Va. — Following the Connecticut elementary school shooting that left 27 innocents dead, the NRA released a statement over the weekend demanding more stringent journalistic standards from American news outlets. While acknowledging the tragedy of the shooting itself, the NRA has suggested that the “liberal media” veered too quickly from meditations on the immediate tragedy at hand to promoting their “anti-gun…