“I’m surprised we even lasted as long as we did”
“I’m not a Southern girl by birth, but I support and believe in traditional southern values with all of my heart”
“Speaking as a woman…she was the obvious choice”
“It’s going to provide fans with the kind of up-close intimacy normally reserved for toilet cams,” the source said. “For the many Americans who’ve built their lives and worldviews around Palin, this will be a dream come true.”
“When Sarah Palin announced that Obamacare would allow doctors to decide whether old folks like me should live based on our productivity in society. That’s when I decided I would be an unproductive grandma and just wait it out.”
ANCHORAGE, Ala. – Former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin has announced that, if she wins a U.S. Senate seat in 2014, she is “looking forward to serving the American people for up to three years.”
WASHINGTON — After announcing plans to speak at this year’s CPAC convention, Sarah Palin and Mitt Romney thrilled and delighted the rabidly conservative audience by stating that they would team up to “jointly dig the Republican Party’s grave even deeper.” The former losing Republican Vice-Presidential nominee and losing Republican Presidential candidate issued a joint statement saying, “We look forward to this opportunity…
WASILLA, Alaska — Rumors are surfacing that Sarah Palin is secretly ecstatic about President Obama’s reelection, since it opens up great businesses opportunities for her. Watching Sarah Palin is like watching a low budget horror movie. The script is terrible and the acting is terrible, but it’s got just the right amount of eeriness to scare you. Personally, America just can’t wait…
HOMER, Alaska — Just days after former Governor Sarah Palin announced that she’s writing yet another book, beleaguered Alaskans have finally accepted the former governor’s refusal to step out of the limelight. Alaskans say they are tired of being associated with the semi-literate Palin and her pack of terribly-named children. But citizens say they will no longer take the indignity lying down.…
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — A spokesman for Johnson & Johnson has issued a statement claiming that Rogaine, one of its subsidiaries, has officially backed Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan. Rumors contend that the endorsement came complete with a seven-figure donation to the campaign and a lifetime supply of the hair-growth supplement. Sources within Rogaine claim that, while the company has never before…
ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Former Vice Presidential candidate and human caricature of misinformation Sarah Palin has confirmed the completion of a new reality show in which she travels across the heart of the United States with Representative Michele Bachmann, who takes on the roles of foolhardy sidekick and quirky racist. The program, which will air on FOX this October, will be named “Riding…