Romney, Palin to Talk at CPAC, Dig Republican Grave Deeper

WASHINGTON — After announcing plans to speak at this year’s CPAC convention, Sarah Palin and Mitt Romney thrilled and delighted the rabidly conservative audience by stating that they would team up to “jointly dig the Republican Party’s grave even deeper.” The former losing Republican Vice-Presidential nominee and losing Republican Presidential candidate issued a joint statement saying, “We look forward to this opportunity…

Sarah Palin’s Dirty Secret: Did She Actually Vote for Barack Obama?

WASILLA, Alaska — Rumors are surfacing that Sarah Palin is secretly ecstatic about President Obama’s reelection, since it opens up great businesses opportunities for her. Watching Sarah Palin is like watching a low budget horror movie. The script is terrible and the acting is terrible, but it’s got just the right amount of eeriness to scare you. Personally, America just can’t wait…

Alaskan Residents to Sue Sarah Palin for Being the Only Thing Anyone Knows About Alaska

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HOMER, Alaska — Just days after former Governor Sarah Palin announced that she’s writing yet another book, beleaguered Alaskans have finally accepted the former governor’s refusal to step out of the limelight. Alaskans say they are tired of being associated with the semi-literate Palin and her pack of terribly-named children. But citizens say they will no longer take the indignity lying down.…

Rogaine Backs Romney-Ryan Ticket

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NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — A spokesman for Johnson & Johnson has issued a statement claiming that Rogaine, one of its subsidiaries, has officially backed Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan. Rumors contend that the endorsement came complete with a seven-figure donation to the campaign and a lifetime supply of the hair-growth supplement. Sources within Rogaine claim that, while the company has never before…

Palin, Bachmann Announce New Reality Show, ‘Riding Lady Liberty’

ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Former Vice Presidential candidate and human caricature of misinformation Sarah Palin has confirmed the completion of a new reality show in which she travels across the heart of the United States with Representative Michele Bachmann, who takes on the roles of foolhardy sidekick and quirky racist. The program, which will air on FOX this October, will be named “Riding…