Ted Cruz: “Helping Texans Is Not Like Helping New Orleans, Hurricane Sandy Was Righteous”
“Maybe New Orleans should ask the French or Canadian government for help, in their native language. I’m sure they take care of their own”
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Rick Scarborough: “Abortion Is Not A Sin If The Baby Is Going To Be Gay”
“Otherwise, we’re looking at a land of buttfu**ers in the coming years”
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Rick Santorum To Pope: “Stop Denying Scientific Facts Like God’s Creation And Climate Change”
“I love and respect the guy, but science is science and it should not be taken lightly, especially not by men of God”
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Caitlyn Jenner: “As A Proud Republican Woman I’m Already Used To Getting Insults From Fox News”
Fox rep: “We’ll be starting off a petition in the next few days to confiscate all of Bruce’s sports medals”
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Clean Air Prices Sky Rocket On NYMEX Due To Rumors of “Eco-Friendly Cars Running On Air”
“What you are witnessing now are the simple effects of demand and supply”
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White House To Offer 72 Western Virgins To Iraqis To Motivate Them To Fight ISIS
“The biggest problem now is finding thousands of Western virgins, since there almost aren’t any these days”
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Michael Moore: “Texas Floods Are God’s Punishment For No-Gay Marriages”
“You know what they say, ‘some motherfu****s are always trying to ice skate uphill’”
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Donald Trump: “Iraqis and Obama Have Something In Common, Both Afraid To Fight ISIS”
“I cannot believe that a handful of Muslim rebels wearing bandanas and sandals are managing to beat back the single most powerful military power on the planet”
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