Millions of Average Americans Vow to Never, Ever Forgive Lance Armstrong

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NEW YORK — “I don’t think I can ever forgive him for what he did,” said Bill Souther, a 36-year-old accountant from Queens, NY who once watched some of the ’98 Tour de France. Souther’s condemnation is echoed by millions Americans in the wake of Lance Armstrong’s fall from grace and his taxing Oprah ‘confession.’ The cyclist is now overwhelmingly considered a despicable…

Giants Remind Themselves They Aren’t Jets; Feel a Bit Better

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NEW YORK — The New York Giants have suffered two consecutive losses that not only were humiliating, but also season-crippling. Nevertheless, locker room morale is not too shabby despite computer calculations giving the Giants only about an 8% chance of making the playoffs. “Here’s another stat,” announced Giants defensive lineman Justin Tuck. “We have a zero percent chance of winding up in…

NBA Quarter-Season Superlatives

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Best Dressed: Andrew Bynum With a nagging knee injury exacerbated by a trip to the bowling alley, Andrew Bynum was a shoo-in for this category. The 7-foot tall center has been spotted at the end of the bench in the Wells Fargo Center rocking some swanky double-breasted Valentino suits this season. Looks like Bynum brought his style over from LA, if nothing…