God to Step Down at End of Current Term

HEAVEN — Saying that He could no longer accept getting credit for everything that ever happens in the entire world, God — the all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful entity worshipped by billions worldwide — has decided to step down at the end of his current term. The massacre of twenty-six people, including twenty elementary school children in Newtown, Connecticut, was apparently the last straw.…

NRA: Crazed Shooters Will Eventually Tire Themselves Out

BROOKFIELD, Wis. — In the wake of tragic shootings in Colorado and Wisconsin there’s been a lot of talk about the need to pass new gun control laws, particularly those meant to restrict private citizens from possessing automatic weapons, high capacity magazines, and surface-to-air missiles. But the National Rifle Association (NRA) denies that restricting firearms ownership is the solution. Instead, the pro-gun…