“I’m using the extended wait time and my severe abdominal pain to save the money I’d otherwise be using to pay for food and entertainment.”
“A corporation is simply a form of organization used by human beings to achieve desired ends,” he wrote.
After the ruling was published, Scalia was seen leading the other five Roman Catholic members of the Court in prayer in his chambers.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” the justice continued, “I have to write a check to Harvard Law School. They’re naming a library after me.”
Supreme Court Justices were not available for comment, as they were busy writing an opinion to gut green house gas regulations when it rules on Chamber of Commerce v. Environmental Protection Agency later this month.
How many votes will you buy?
“Who can resist a fight like that?” Kaufmann wondered. “Not the SCOTUS, I can tell you. I’ve never seen them so giddy.”
“This season, the Court is set to tackle affirmative action and campaign finance reform. Man, not even Neil Young could get a breakaway single out of issues like that…”
“Constitution shmonstitution. The mark of a good Supreme Court justice is whether he or she agrees with me.”
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Supreme Court today announced that due to all the controversy expected to erupt over the two gay marriage cases they’ve agreed to consider next year, they would restrict the remainder of their 2013 docket to simple, no-brainer cases that can be decided without putting any real thought into them. “The truth is, we’re going to be very busy…