“It’s hard to break out of time-tested tropes, but we’ll do our best.”
“We wanted to share the truth about President al-Assad with the world,” explained Deputy Foreign Minister Faisal Mekdad.
“So, I think our confusion has been understandable,” Colville finally affirmed, “…and we may need to see a few more examples before we take certain action.”
TURKISH-SYRIAN BORDER — “I know roughly 100,000 Syrians have been killed so far,” said Syrian refugee Adad Halabi, who lost his home and family in the Syrian civil war, “but being the president of America is hard. If Obama feels like he needs more time to figure out what to do in a situation where hundreds of civilians are killed every day,…
ALEPPO, Syria – A group of desperate citizens in the beleaguered city of Aleppo, Syria are threatening to attack the United States with nuclear weapons in hopes that their ridiculous, hyperbolic provocations might get them a little attention. “We’re gonna get you, America,” a statement released by the group reads in part. “Your cities will become smoldering piles of ash and whatnot.”…
DUPREE, Ind. — Residents of this small Indiana town report feeling disappointed and more than a little hurt by the growing pattern of neglect they say they’ve experienced in the past two years from their Middle East sister city, Aleppo, Syria. The abandonment reached a peak on Tuesday, when, for the second time in a row, a large contingent of Dupree citizens…
DAMASCUS — The heavy bombardment of targets near Damascus International Airport by Syrian warplanes this week has led to major travel delays for Westerners seeking to return home from their annual Middle East getaways. “They warned us to cancel our vacation here,” said Lars Skalnes, a German fashion designer whose Lufthansa flight had been delayed several hours due to a suicide bombing…
BEIRUT, Lebanon — After supervising military action against rebel citizens during the 22-month civil war in Syria, Maj. Gen. Abdul Aziz Jassem al-Shallal has defected, citing the low quality and limited diversity of food offered in the armed services break room. General Shallal, whose duties included the punishment of defectors, made a daring escape into Turkey earlier this week by motorcycle. In…